Hello GhostOfGhost, the thought of being admitted can be quite daunting, but if you are in danger of hurting yourself, it may be the best decision, although I'm not necessarily suggesting this at the moment, but your doctor needs to know how you are actually feeling for your own safety.
If your medication doesn't seem to be benefiting you, then ask your doctor if they believe changing it may help you, there's no harm in asking and because you feel this way, can you visit your doctor 2 or 3 times a week.
When people feel like this, it's completely understandable to feel as though you don't want to tell anyone, for fear of not being believed or perhaps decisions are made against what you want, but either way it's really important that at least your doctor is informed because if something serious does happen, then they can decide straight away on how to help you.
This could be frightening but most times we can't overcome this by ourselves, we need guidance and help and they can provide phone numbers and sites for you to investigate, people who have the experience to know what you're struggling with, and this can be done before being admitted into hospital, depending on your condition.
There is also the possibility that they have a contact who can specifically help you in these circumstances, so please can we urge you to at least have a chat with them.