Hi Jay bird
I'm glad you feel you can come here to talk about the pain and disappointment that can often come with depression. Sometimes, feeling the freedom to speak in such an open way can make even the smallest of differences. Finding people who can relate can feel like a relief.
I believe, people who can't relate to depression can't relate to the fact that a difference is hard (even impossible) to imagine, especially when the depression has been a factor for quite some time. It may sound a little foolish but imagination is, in part, what directs our course, even in the smallest of ways. For example, when the alarm goes off in the morning for work or some appointment, we imagine our self having to get out of bed. Then, we imagine our self in the shower and getting dressed afterward. We imagine getting into the car and heading off to perhaps somewhere we don't want to go. All of a sudden we come out of our head and find we haven't even left the bed. Imagination is a strange thing but it can help explain a lot at times.
I lost count of the amount of times, during my depression, where people tried leading me to imagine some difference. With my depression having lasted about 15 years, in the latter years I'd lost all imagination when it came to a difference. I had no vision of a future without depression. I can relate to people always saying the same cr@p. By the way, a lot of it can be offered as supportive yet, technically, words that make no difference are meaningless. I'm imagine some of this sounds familiar
- Things will get better
- If you smiled more, things wouldn't be so bad
- If you weren't so negative all the time...
- Others have it worse. Be grateful for what you have
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Of course, it's a long list so I won't go on.
That last one, I feel this is one of the cruelest things to say to someone in depression. Stop feeling sorry for yourself is like saying 'Stop feeling the incredible sorrow that comes with grieving for a lost sense of self'. They may as well tell you to ignore why the sorrow is there and 'just get on with life'. How can you ignore it? How can a person tolerate what feels intolerable? It becomes more like 'Just get on with an intolerable life'.
Do you feel the 'layers of seriousness' are what has led you down into depression, level by level? Has anyone ever led you to imagine the full impact each one has had on the way down? Can you imagine addressing them and making perfect sense of each on the way back up?