I’m constantly brought down into the depths of suicide ideation. The thing that stops me is my child. I have to look after him. But is it worse to be a parent who thinks about death every day or to not be here?

Dear McBugboy

It sounds like you are dealing with some heavy thoughts and feelings at the moment, and we're so glad to hear that you have reached out during this difficult time. 

Please know that you've come to a safe place here. It is likely that some of our members can relate to how you're feeling and will offer you some supportive replies and kindness. 

We're wondering if you have sought professional mental health support. If not, and if you would like some help finding some, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.  You do not have to go through this alone.

If these thoughts of death become stronger or overwhelming, please do not hesitate to get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that expressing your feelings here has brought you some comfort. Please continue to post as you see fit. We're always here. 

Hi McBugboy,

Wellcome to our forums!

So sorry you are feeling this way.

Thank you for reaching out to us.

Im so glad you are here in this life and that you have a beautiful child to look after ❤️🙏

Can I ask if you have seeked professional help for the way that you have been feeling?

I learned that with anxiety and depression these dark thoughts usually accompany it….. there really is hope that with the correct help these dark thoughts will lift….

You could talk to your gp and let them know how you are feeling, you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist…

We are here as a community to support you…….

Im here to chat

Mc Bugboy,

Is it bad that we think about ending it all the time? Obviously yes. But I doubt your telling your child about it, your child maybe only knows you are sad. They aren’t mind readers. I’d imagine but they would take us being sad over having us not here at all but.
I know I tell my psychologist a lot I’m a bad parent, I’m causing my children all types of psychological damage for this and his response has honestly always been “so you get up every morning with the intention of doing them harm?” and of course we don’t, we want the best, we try and hide our mental illnesses, we put on a smile, we laugh all to protect them. No pressure, but I don’t think they want us to go, so no staying is far better for our kids.