Hi

I don't really know where to start. I have always struggled with feelings or thoughts of how it would be better if I did commit suicide. But it always goes back to my sister I would hurt her. This past week I have been struggling I cannot get back for a special event due to border restrictions. I was seeing a guy who then just ghosted me. I turn 36 next month and all I want is to start a family. I feel like the hatred I have towards myself turns anyone away. I feel so sad but I can't express it and I feel trapped with these thoughts then getting louder. Distraction at night is not working resulting in me not having slept in days. Any advice or just people to tell me this will change is appreciated

thanks

Hi Tryingtomoveon,

Thank you for reaching out to the forums tonight. It can take a lot of courage to write a post so we want to thank you for being so brave tonight in sharing this part of your life. I am so sorry to hear that you cannot get to the event due to the restrictions. It is so frustrating being restricted and not being able to travel to see people we love. Being ghosted is a truly horrible feeling and is more of a reflection on the person doing the ghosting, than you.

We'd urge/recommend you talk your experience/feelings through with our Support Service, our mental health counsellors can offer some support, information and referrals on 1300 22 4636.  Our support team will be getting in touch with you tonight to offer some support options.

Kindest Regards,

Sophie M.

Thanks for reaching out. I reached out and talked to my GP and psychologist. I'm trying some self care for the weekend and attempting to give myself a break.

Hello tryingtomoveon

I'm glad to hear you reached out and talked to your GP and psychologist. It sounds like some self care and a break this weekend could be very helpful.

I understand you've been struggling recently with the ghosting at a time when you just want to start a family, and you feel very trapped by your feelings. I imagine being shut in by the border restrictions makes it even harder - I am not sure if you are in Sydney like me, but we just got locked in again for two weeks, and I hope you are doing okay.

Either way, we're here for you and hope your weekend is a bit better, and you get some sleep.

James

Hi

Its been awhile but unfortunately I'm really struggling again. I'm struggling with this feeling of what is the point. I'm trying to keep routine and keep active but I'm just struggling. I keep wanting to hit my hand against the wall as a way of experiencing pain. I have tried to talk to my psychologist about it but I feel like I can't be helped or is it just that I'm not trying.

Tryingtomoveon

I am sorry you are struggling.
I know you are trying and it can take a few times to get to understand psychologists.

I sometimes go through periods where I feel I am struggling and everything is hard.
I know things will change . There is support here for you. You are not alone.

Hi Tryingtomoveon,

Sorry you are feeling this way…

Sorry you are struggling……

Has your psychologist been helpful in the past? Have they been able to give you helpful strategies?

We are all here as a community to listen to you and help you..

here to chat

Hello Tryingtomoveon,

So sad to hear you are really struggling again. It sounds like you are really trying to reach out, get help and get better, but something's just not working for you. Some days can be really bad, and sometimes these days can go on for a while, but we are here for you.

Please feel free to post here again when you are up to it. As Petal22 mentioned, it would be lovely to hear and talk about whether you've had any helpful strategies in the past, otherwise we can also just sit with you and listen.

James

Thanks for coming back.

Its been quite a struggle. My sister gets married this week in Europe and I can't be there which is not helping. I am trying to keep myself busy with exercise etc. But I'm making more bad decisions than good with drink and Benzos to try numb.

It is like I have all this emotion and I don't know how to release it.

TTM

Hi Tryingtomoveon,

Sorry you can’t be at your sisters wedding that would be difficult for you……

I understand it’s hard when we have a lot of emotions built up and don’t know how to release them…….

Please be kind to yourself…. Tell yourself good things …..

Things will get better for you, what you are going through now is temporary….

I went through a tough time in my life but I’m on the other side now and life couldn’t be better! I went on a mental health journey…… in part of my journey I went inwardly and found from doing this I have healed a lot…..

I’m here to check to you…

Hey TTM,

It's nice to hear from you.

I'm really sorry to hear you can't be in Europe with your sister. I understand you care a lot for her and would want to be there - I am sure she is understanding, but it can still feel bad to not be there. Will you be able to video call at some point?

It's hard to find ways to release our emotions. Some people like to talk about them, others keep a diary. Personally, I find it easier to manage by doing things like walking at night and just being in mentally quiet places. It's not a release of emotions, but maybe finding more space for them. I used to get quite noisy in my head, and I found places that were just quiet. Have you tried anything similar?

James

Thanks for the suggestion I think it is my head gets very noisy and I get fidgety so maybe walking in the evenings will help. I have alot of emotions going on at the moment especially seeing the photos and not being in them. It made me kind of go im not in them is that what I want. I'm using distraction alot to get through things.

Hello TTM,

How are you going?

It sounds like there's a lot of internal life questions which is very normal, but can be really challenging. Personally, I find it exhausting and sometimes I just need a good mental break as we've been talking about.

Have you had much of a chance to go for any walks or other distractions?

James