Hi, this is my first time here.
I am 28, male, white, and have a litany of mental illnesses including complex post-traumatic stress disorder stemming from childhood trauma, agoraphobia that prevents me from leaving the house unassisted, a schizophrenia spectrum disorder and autism spectrum disorder. It feels like every single time I talk to a mental health professional, I leave the zoom call with a new diagnosis. I'm working on collecting the whole DSM.
I want to impress upon anybody reading that although I am clearly able to express myself competently through writing, physical social interactions are near to impossible, and I have had some extremely negative experiences in public. The most notable recently was when my previous dog escaped from the house. I was able to catch her, but didn't have a lead, collar, or anything to bring her back to the house. Because this was a disruptive event, I was already overwhelmed, and beginning to experience hallucinations, extreme paranoia, etc. Eventually, I'm sitting on the footpath barefoot in my PJs with my dog in my lap, unable to carry her back to the house. I ask someone walking by if she'd mind sitting with the dog for a minute so I could go around the corner and get what I need. She looked at me and said she wasn't comfortable with it and that "that's how harm happens." Which is fair enough, but because of my mental illness, this moment cascaded into a whole event.
So there I am, in the street, in unwashed four day old tracksuit pants, I haven't had a haircut in over a year, haven't shaved in almost as long, screaming at this random person about my paranoid thoughts.
Let me just say that she did absolutely nothing wrong and if a creepy homeless-looking man asks you to wait alone somewhere or follow him, don't do it.
With that said, I've now been in treatment for years, I take the pills, I'm on NDIS and I'm on the DSP, but I'm not improving, and these systems are not enough to survive on without a parent looking after me. It seems inevitable that I'm going to be homeless by 35 - 40, and obviously my disability is profound enough that I won't survive that. I'm unsure what to do. I feel like I should die when my caregiver does.