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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

Topic: Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

  1. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    28 February 2022

    Hi mekitty just wanted to say thanks for Ur comment...

    I stay here because

    - the alternative is scary

    - I want to use my pain for good

    - growth is possible

    - life is unpredictable and more good experiences may be around the corner

    - I enjoy acceptance and commitment therapy

    - when I write or journal my problems seem smaller

    - peer workers get me, u guys get me, others understand

    - one person's negative kpinion of me isn't necessarily significant

    - the bad in my past wasn't my fault.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    3853 posts
    28 February 2022 in reply to Guest_1643

    Hi Sleepy,

    These words of yours are powerful words. There are people here that you get, far more than I do! I've seen how some people respond to you, & clearly, your presence here helps them as much as they help you. I also like that you recognise that growth is possible, & life is unpredictable, good things can & will occur in your life, & I want to add, you can & have created much goodness here.

    Absolutely, the bad in your life was not your fault. Can you se how much you have already used your pain for good? You have helped so many people.

    I'd suggest, copying your own words & printing them out & sticking them up on your wall/s to see evry day.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Pandemica
    Pandemica avatar
    57 posts
    2 March 2022 in reply to Guest_1643
    I was once a musician for my church many years ago. I remember one time I played for a funeral of a boy who died by suicide. I still cant get the image of his mother out of my mind. She was just screaming and had to be physically held up by other members of her family. Every time I get close to suicide, I think of that lady who lost her child, then think of my own mother and cant go through with it.
  4. golden82
    golden82 avatar
    435 posts
    3 March 2022 in reply to Pandemica

    Hi Pandemica,

    You are fortunate then to have a mother that cares. And have a good reason to stay here. For me, my mother is not in my life for years and never really was.. it is a pain so profound and an emptiness where i search for and seek out something but it is never it. I am always searching but what i really need is the love of my mum. I am broken, empty, feel defective and lost. Not having a relationship with my mum is one of the reasons to not be here So for me it works in the reverse.

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Pandemica
    Pandemica avatar
    57 posts
    4 March 2022 in reply to golden82

    Hi Golden82,

    Thankyou for sharing that with me. A good reminder for me also to be greatful for what I do have. I don't feel that I have a close relationship with my mother, I mean I can't talk to her about anything deep and meaningful and all our conversations are on a superficial level only but at least I know that she does actually care. I guess just being a baby boomer she like many others her age are unable to express how they feel.

    I think that my dad is much the same, but you are absolutely right. I do have parents who do actually care, even if they can't say it or show it. I am still lucky to have them.

    2 people found this helpful
  6. golden82
    golden82 avatar
    435 posts
    6 March 2022 in reply to Pandemica

    Hi Pandemica,

    Of course:) Thanks for your understanding and also it is great that you can appreciate what you do have with your parents.. I think that is a great trait to have. I hope you are okay.. i read on your thread you are struggling with drinking. All i can suggest is to take one day at a time and be kind/forgive yourself. You are doing the best u can right now. I've been struggling with binge eating these last 6 months. I read u said you failed. I feel that way too. But we are just trying to get by with cptsd etc. Need to go easy on ourselves. Take care :)

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Pandemica
    Pandemica avatar
    57 posts
    7 March 2022 in reply to golden82

    Thanks Golden,

    I have in the past fought an Eating Disorder. I am lucky that I no longer have issues with ED but unfortunately have replaced those ED Behaviours with drinking.

    I am constantly hoping that I can overcome these issues but feel that my only hope might be an inpatient admission.

    I, like you, don't feel that I have any friends or family to support me.

  8. mocha delight
    mocha delight  avatar
    551 posts
    13 March 2022
    No idea on what is
  9. needhelp..2
    needhelp..2 avatar
    1 posts
    16 March 2022
    honestly i don't know at this point. i keep thinking of how it would ffect people and then i realise it wouldn't affect anyone because no one cares anymore. they didn't even notice when i was struggling and when they did they dint do anything to help. i have no one.
    1 person found this helpful
  10. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    10013 posts
    16 March 2022 in reply to needhelp..2

    Hello Dear needhelp 2...

    Im really sorry your feeling as if no one cares ...I care, and would like very much to get to know you better...that is if you want too....no pressure at all...

    Have you thought about starting your own thread on Beyond Blue...that way we can help try to support you through this hard patch your going through...

    If you do decide...(and I hope you) to start your thread..please pop in here and let us know the title you have named your thread...

    We have really caring trained counsellor you might find comforting and helpful if you want talk things through..the number is..1300 22 4636...and they are available 24/7..

    Hi mocha delight...sending you a gentle hug and a listening ear if you feel to talk....

    My kindest thoughts dear needhelp..2..

    Please be gentle and kind to yourselves...and it’s not just words when I say...We care...it’s genuine 💚

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  11. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    3853 posts
    16 March 2022 in reply to needhelp..2

    Hello needhelp..2

    I want to welcom you to the forum. You will find many people here, all caring & kind, each of us learning from & supporting each other. We gladly have room for everyone, including you.

    what you wrote here is so very like how I felt when I was a teenager, nearly 50 years ago

    needhelp..2 said:honestly i don't know at this point. i keep thinking of how it would ffect people and then i realise it wouldn't affect anyone because no one cares anymore. they didn't even notice when i was struggling and when they did they dint do anything to help. i have no one.

    So what I then thought: I have myself. I ought to have written that in an earlier post in the this thread, because my survival came down to me, myself, Something about myself, & I don't really know what it is, has kept me here, even when times were really bad.

    I think Grandy has a good idea - to start your own thread, so you can talk some more?

    Warm regards, to you, & everyone posting & reading.😺

    mmMekitty

  12. Mobi 2020
    Mobi 2020 avatar
    3 posts
    18 April 2022 in reply to Amy23
    Can so totally relate to this :'(
  13. NoUseForAName
    NoUseForAName avatar
    2 posts
    2 May 2022

    My cat.

    The only thing keeping me here is my cat. When I look at him and think ‘he would be so confused and scares if I just didn’t come back one day’ it breaks my heart, so I stay…

    He brings me a little joy everyday and makes me laugh. I love him to bits.

  14. Mum Chris
    Mum Chris  avatar
    329 posts
    12 May 2022

    Hi

    I always identify as PTSD section but I’m delicate and on the danger zone. My daughter my dog and me keeps me going. My daughter needs me she’s grown but you always need your mum. My grandkids too they need to know that I can make it. I’m stubborn and while I’m tired and fed up I want better for me. I’m not sure why I had to endure what happened to me but who knows. I have current life better than most and others don’t see hidden pain. I’m truly lucky in my current life just the undercurrent is strong.
    MC

    1 person found this helpful
  15. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    3853 posts
    12 May 2022 in reply to mmMekitty

    Me. Being responsible for myself, the answer is 'me'; I am responsible for keeping myself here.

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Anna84
    Anna84 avatar
    18 posts
    13 June 2022
    My husband and my children. life would also be a lot harder on them with only one parent, income etc. I can’t be that selfish..
  17. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    14 June 2022 in reply to Anna84

    Hello Anna, thanks for posting your comment in romantic_thi3f's thread.

    If you do separate and there is only one income, presently, then the other parent can claim benefits from Centrelink, and if they find a flat/house then they can claim 'rent assistance', then there will be two incomes coming in.

    I know someone close to me who has separated from his spouse and have two young kids who are much happier living in two households, rather than one unhappy house, they adapted to this situation without any trouble.

    Please ask me any question you like or perhaps you could start your own thread if that suits you.

    You can do this by clicking 'All Posts', then choose a section you want, then click 'New Thread'.

    Hope to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

    1 person found this helpful
  18. mmMekitty
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    mmMekitty avatar
    3853 posts
    14 June 2022 in reply to Anna84

    Hello Anna64, Geoff & everyone,

    As practical as Geoff's information may be, may I add that, Anna, your value is surely much more than the money you bring to the household. You are a wife & mother, you are a human being, an individual with a mind & heart, worthy of your life, both giving & recieving love, care, understanding, compassion, & to be there, contributing in many other ways to the life & health of your family, including you.

    I think, look at the children, & see. there's a lot of you in them. Your care & love for them has contributed very much towards them being the wonderful children they are today.

    Warmly,❤️❤️❤️

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful

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