I will try it.
Unfortunately I don't have anyone I can let in. The battle has been probably 12 years, this last year I have sunk very low - mostly exhaustion n PTSD driven, but yeah. I did get admitted to hospital after a severe PTSD episode (apparently) but I could not cope, let alone talk. I got out as quick as possible, but part of that processes was everyone finding out I was not coping. However, one short week later it's all forgotten, and back to me helping everyone else.
Family only ever want from me, they are not who I can turn to. And with leaving a DV long term relationship, the world is quite lonely.
I have tried seeing a psychologist, unfortunately for me I am the worst patient. I've a degree in psychology, so know the techniques etc and have generally exhausted all options. I have been trying to line up trauma counselling, but I live in a fairly remote place which lacks trained health practitioners.
Part of the issue is I can't see the point to getting counselling anymore, and the act of being vulnerable is terrifying. Sorry.
What had kept me here:
- the fight, the desire to prove people wrong, the desire to help others
- my education
- hope if I could find a way out for me I could help others
- I guess that things happened for a purpose.
- the pursuit of knowledge
I just am not sure anymore. All this has gone.
Sorry, I hope some of that made sense, brain not thinking very well