Hi Ammee
Thank you for letting us know that you are OK, and even if it is just OK, that is enough.
It is good news that your daughter has not made any more attempts, I am sure though that you are living on high anxiety and keeping a close eye on her would be absolutely exhausting both emotionally and physically, so I am glad you are here to purge and to debrief and to get some support for you.
Kids can be very cruel, and I put this down to small people who are trying to find their way in a hugely busy and confusing world with so many things changing, as well as their bodies and hormones and essentially just trying to figure out who they are and how they fit. Does it make it right to bring down another to make ourselves feel better..absolutely not but sometimes I think this is the only way they know to get some feeling of worth or peace..which is just so devistating.
It is great the school is being supportive and that they are doing what they can to accommodate her, that is really great news too. Mostly though it is wonderful to hear that she is back at Scouts and engaging in a space that she loves and feels safe, that is such great news too. So I can see that while there is some real pain and turmoil going on, there are some good things too and that is awesome as you do have some positives to focus on, which is gold.
I just wanted to chat a bit about how you are feeling, if that is ok? I read that you are keeping on going and keeping strong for your daughter, that her life is so very important to you and that you have to keep strong for her. I am wondering what we can do to allow you to see that your life is just as important, that you matter more that just "her mum", that you are worthy of a happy and healthy life outside of this role as a mother. I know things are really hard for you outside of what is happening with your daughter and I am sure that caring for her takes up 99% of your energy. I am just wondering if there is one small thing, however small that you can do for you, to make you feel connected to happiness and to hope that there is a good life available for you, that you deserve that too?
I am so pleased to hear that you have chatted on the phone to counselling and that also you have some friends checking in, allow them to be a friend to you and take them up on an offer to make a meal for you or to just come over and chat or to have a coffee, there is real power in human connection.
I hope to chat some more to you Ammee
Hugs to you
Sarah