Hello Stillsurfing, thankyou for posting a brave and courageous comment, I'm sure doing this must have been very difficult for you, but so pleased you have.
It's so hard to know what to do with someone you had once loved as a child but who has, unfortunately, turned to addiction, such as weed, drugs and/or alcohol because it's unsure the reason why this has happened, whether it was due to mates encouraging him to try the substance or whether he couldn't handle the current circumstances at that particular time, is not known and probably won't be told.
I am truly sorry for what this devastation has caused and how disappointing it must be and as awful as it is, it so difficult to know what you should be doing, however, you have tried, but these addictions are ruling his life.
We tend to make excuses but eventually, these don't carry any more weight and you have to suffer on your own, which is detrimental to your own health and that's a great concern because it's difficult to know whether you continue to help your son or whether you gain the support and assistance from those able to provide it.
You have made a decision not to bail him out anymore and as hard as this may be, it's a positive choice for you, you can't keep doing this for him and he can't expect you to do it because you are unsure of what may happen next.
Rehab centres may not be guaranteed for certain people with serious addictions, because once they're out, back they go to their mates and it all starts over again, but now you and your wife need all the support that's available, and I hope we can provide some of this for you.
I have known elderly people who have had their son do similar things, but certainly not as you have had to experience.
I truly feel for you and your wife and really hope you can get back to us when you're available.
My thoughts are with you.