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Topic: Alcoholic husband

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Etak88
    Etak88 avatar
    1 posts
    20 May 2021

    We have been together 15 years married nearly 8 years

    two beautiful babies

    my husband has been an high functioning alcoholic for nearly 5 years. He was raised in foster care and has anxiety/depression and PTSD from this.

    I hate my life with him. Don’t love this version of him. His not a good husband or father. He isn’t helpful and only does stuff to fill his needs. I feel like a single mum already. He doesn’t sleep in my bedroom because I’ve put boundaries in place (won’t have him in bed if his been sleeping which is every night)

    ive asked for a divorce and he won’t. I’ve asked him to leave and he says he won’t. I feel stuck because if I leave I’ll have to share my kids but I feel like they are not safe with him. He gets drunk and passes out.

    I just want to be happy and feel safe. I want my kids to see what a happy and healthy relationship is. I want my son to have a positive male role model and I want my daughter to have a good example of how men should treat women. I want to want to come home and not feel dread !

    im just so lonely and sad. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5944 posts
    20 May 2021 in reply to Etak88
    Hey Etak88,

    Wishing you a very warm welcome to the forums. We understand how much strength and courage it takes to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you decided to reach out to our community here today. We're so sorry to hear what you've been going through, and can hear how lonely and stuck you must be feeling, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

    We'd also really encourage you to reach out to Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. Our friends at Relationships Australia are also a really great service that provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships. You can contact them on 1300 364 277 or at https://www.relationships.org.au
    In addition to this, please also know that the counsellors at  Lifeline (13 11 14) are here to talk things through with you during your most difficult moments- you never have to go through this alone.

    We hope that you can find some comfort in the caring advice from our community, and please feel free to continue updating us on how you're going whenever you feel ready to.
     
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15310 posts
    21 May 2021 in reply to Etak88

    Hello Etak, and a warm welcome to the forums and sorry for the situation you are in, because if your husband has been a 'high functioning alcoholic for nearly 5 years', then even if he stopped, it would require a great deal of rebuilding the marriage, whether this is possible, it's too hard to even predict, as so much in this relationship would need to be changed on both sides and sometimes this may be possible, while other times, it may have gone too far and affected how you feel about him as well as the thoughts your children have regarding their father.

    Being in this type of situation can carry a heavy burden on how to manage your family as if he has also become a cupboard drinker you might not be aware of, which will affect any financial issues for being able to maintain the family.

    If he does decide to stop then he'll need help from those who are appropriately able to assist him, as an addiction for some people isn't easy to overcome, with the possibility of having a relapse, although that's unknown.

    You are still entitled to proceed with the divorce even if he doesn't want to, as this happened to me when my wife wanted to divorce me, so if I didn't sign or object to it for any reason, it was still able to go ahead.

    If I had refused to sign it and wanted to contest it, then it would have to go to court, which would involve lawyers, solicitors and the cost be expensive.

    You have the option to sell the house, or alternatively, one of you can buy the other person's share and if neither of can come to an agreement, then it can be settled in court, so you can contact a lawyer on a no win no fee basis.

    Talk to your doctor who may be able to help you with making a decision.

    Ask any question you like.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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