Hi everyone

Just wanting to get some advice in relation to my husband and his OCD. As some background, we have been together 10 years. He has always had OCD, but at first it didn't have a negative impact on us. The compulsions were mild and it was just something he got on with.

We built a brand new house together back in 2015 and that's when our problems really started. It was again, no big deal at first. His main concerns are around household cleanliness and order, but in an effort to keep the new house looking like a display home it felt like he was forever cleaning.

Our daughter came along in 2016, and things escalated from there. I had to do things like feed in the bathroom, so that milk couldn't accidentally mess up the kitchen or get on the carpet, and dirty baby clothes just got thrown away instead of being washed. We also went through a period of only feeding the now toddler outside, for fear of getting the kitchen and dining room dirty. He is now past that but instead has banned certain foods from being eaten in the house. We have also now gotten to the point of not using the oven or stove anymore because of the mess it creates and the cleaning involved afterwards.

I understand the anxiety my husband faces every single day, but it is now putting a lot of strain on our relationship. For the most part my husband is good with me and doesn't expect me to go around cleaning like he does, but there must be at least one lecture a day about something I have done wrong. I am starting to feel as though I cannot do anything right and I cannot make him happy.

I also worry about the effects this is having on my 2 year old. Already she loves cleaning and sorting things, and is obsessed with washing her hands, and I often wonder whether it is just because she sees her father doing it or whether she may have inherited the condition.

He went through a brief stint on medication but the side effects were awful, he couldn't sleep and became depressed. The medication also only slightly lessened the anxiety, it obviously couldn't stop the obsessive thoughts. I really think that speaking to a psychologist or counsellor is the answer, but he doesn't want to do this as doesn't believe it will help.

I wondered if anyone could offer any advice on how to help him, or how I can talk to him and convince him to seek more help?

Thank you in advance.

Hello Oopie, a warm welcome to the site.

I'm really sorry that this is happening as I've had OCD for a long time but live alone, and what he may have is COPD which means Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder although I'm not qualified to diagnose.

The difference is OCD means a person believes their thoughts and behaviours are irrational and are an obsessive-compulsive disorder, while COPD is a personality disorder, it's difficult to distinguish.

COPD can also mean rigid conditions and that the rules of this condition are often comforting and feel right and people would be better off by obliging to them.

If your daughter is doing the same as her dad/husband, then the trouble is that this illness can be learned by copying what he does and if you want this to stop then you will need some professional help or google 'www.healthdirect.gov.au'.

I take medication for my OCD and depression and have been for a long time, so perhaps the one he was taking wasn't suitable and the doctor can prescribe something else.

A psychologist can do CBT ( Cognitive behaviour therapy ) with him or you could ring the BB phone number 1300 22 4636 for advice.

I'd love to hear back from you.

Geoff.

Hello Oopie, I had replied to your post an hour ago but it hasn't appeared, so I'll see if it is, and I only say this because I've had OCD for 58 years and wanted to reply.

Geoff.

Hi Geoff

Thank you so much for your response, it is incredibly helpful.

I have googled OCPD and this really does sound exactly like my husband. Thank you for suggesting this as I have never heard of this before, and I am not sure if my husband has either, as we always just refer to him having OCD.

Obviously I cannot diagnose it as OCPD but so much of this characterises his personality - constant creation of lists, rigid rules and stubbornness, difficulty in expressing feelings. This is especially difficult for us because I am the opposite - extremely emotive and love to talk things out. However, if I have done something to upset my husband then he will mention it but then sometimes cold shoulder me for a few hours. This is causing a lot of the tension because I just want to talk about things and get over it, whereas he can hold a grudge over, what appears to me, to be the smallest thing. I understand that for him it isn't a small thing, and I am trying very hard not to let it get to me, but I often feel as if I am walking on eggshells and don't know when something I have done 'wrong' is going to upset the apple cart.

And again, thank you for the advice on my 2 year old. I was doubting myself as figured that someone so young could not actually develop any sort of obsessive disorder, and little rituals are common in young toddlers anyway. However, she does the odd thing here and there. For example, one day we went out for a walk and got about as far as the neighbours house. She bent down to pick up some grass and then declared her hands too dirty, so literally ran back to our house and cried in front of the front door so that we could wash her hands. The bedtime routine has now also become a lengthy ritual, and she will only allow me to help with getting her ready for bed, anyone else upsets the routine too much.

I will certainly try to talk to my husband again about seeing his GP and getting further help. Before things got out of hand he was happy, bright and funny, and still is really, but I would love to see him back to being that person all the time. It is just difficult when we have a day filled with things going wrong, the obsessive behaviours definitely feel as though they have taken over our lives on these particular days.

Thank you, Geoff, it is good to know there are others out there who are going through the same thing and understand these conditions.

Hi Oopie, thanks for your reply, it's always helpful to get back replies and yours has been very helpful.

Can you make an appointment with your doctor because if he agrees to go to a psychologist/counsellor then he may learn about this illness as it maybe frustrating him.

Best wishes and please let me know.

Geoff.