Original post, hello.
I feel like I could have written some of your post myself. Lots of tricky questions.
In short, between full time shift work for both hubby and I, and three school aged kids, I am an opportunist. I find it difficult to plan things around our shifts. We will often just find ourselves one day at home with the kids at school, and will decide to go out for breakfast.
Hubby likes to go to the movies. I like to sew. Most times we do those things separately. This is both good and bad. We have little time between opposing shifts to do things together, so we need to be assertive in doing something decent (and not just do the housework because it's gotten away from us), on the days when we have off together.
We dont always get it right. We dont always prioritise each other. We get things wrong. We try hard. We give up. We argue. But we try.
Hubby likes to go on holidays. I'm short on leave post study, but he has enjoyed time away with mates and I encourage this. He always likes working on his car project, which I will be encouraging today.
He is undiagnosed, I can see several MHI within him, PTSD, depression, anxiety, OCD. It's tricky. My job is to love him and let him know he is supported. It's hard when he can't see that's my motive.
Keep trying to do things that work for your family. It can be hard. It's good to have a forum like this to talk about things to support the supporters x