My ex girlfriend and I were dating for well over a year, we've had our ups and downs like all relationships, but it wasn't until recently when she told me that she no longer thinks she can do this and broke it off but we are going to stay close friends. She told me that she doesn't think that she can be what I need and that she loves me but doesn't love herself. She told me she needs time to work on herself and fix her problems. She has told me she's going to councilers to sort this out but she hasn't told me exactly what she has and what the exact problem is. I've told her that I'm here for her if she needs me. I love this girl with all my heart but I don't know how to really help her through it because she doesn't want to put me through all her suffering and pain, she says that's not fair on me. But I don't care, I've told her I don't care that it may not be fair on me. I want to help her through it. And I don't want to stay just as friends it hurts so bad being friends but not together. But I understand that she needs time and I am willing to give that to her. Any suggestions or anything?

Hi Lotty 8446

In developing my own interpretation of 'love' I discovered both how and why I love the people I do. I hope this interpretation brings some light to your situation.

I believe love is found in evolution. If self love is about investing in our own evolution/growth, then mutual love is about investing in each other's evolution/growth. Sounds like your ex is invested in both. Whilst she explores ways to grow, personally, she doesn't want to jeopardise your growth because she loves you.

Are there any ways you can think of where, as friends, you can evolve together? This will prove to her brain that she's not halting your growth, in fact you're still a part of each other's evolving life. I know it sounds strange, 'prove to her brain', but that computer processor up there in our head often requires evidence before we can establish a new belief.

Some very basic ideas in the way of progression/personal evolution can involve:

• Dining out and trying new foods
• Considering a passion of hers and then exploring new ways that reconnect her with that passion. For example, art galleries, music festivals and so on
• Buying a good camera and going out together to take and develop (and maybe even frame) pics of nature or whatever. Evidence of the beauty of life hung upon her walls. She may think of her connection to you every time she looks at them

Just a few ideas that relate to our senses and sense of adventure (adding ventures to life). As I say, they are very basic but our soul (so to speak) relates to basic. You'd both be growing through these experiences and perhaps even growing closer in the process. Just some food for thought.

By the way, perhaps she's just not ready to let you know what is at the root of her mental challenges, whilst she's just stepped foot on the path to exploring them herself. In time, she may gradually open up about them to a trusted friend, you.

Take care of yourself Lotty