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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / My girlfriend with depression felt she had to break up with me to get better

Topic: My girlfriend with depression felt she had to break up with me to get better

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Domino96
    Domino96 avatar
    1 posts
    7 August 2018

    So as the title suggests, my girlfriend who is 18 and I am 22, broke up with me. I know she had depression and anxiety and history of suicidal thoughts in her past. We dated for around 6months but in that time we have had great moments, but also upsetting moments.

    Early on, she was an alcoholic and constantly felt she had to drink to stop feeling the emotions she felt while upset. She recently found out she has Celiac disease and had to stop drinking to feel better. But during our past she tried breaking up with me while drunk because she felt I was too good for her, that I cared too much for her. I stuck around and showed her how much I cared for her. She felt so happy and constantly showed her love for me and said things like "You have my heart". But I noticed if I wasn't there for her she would give me a cold shoulder. But some days later she would apologise and say she wants to work on these things so she can be better for me.

    Fast forward to now, she had a lot going on. She found out her grandpa had cancer and was dying and she also had to change her diet due to no gluten but also found out she couldn't have dairy either. She went away for the funeral and asked for some days space. We had an argument the night before she left, I never meant for it to happen but it did. She felt like she couldn't depend on me because I let her down by not telling my room mate I wanted the TV so I could watch TV with her.

    During that weekend I tried to give her space (I know I need to work on this) and I sent her some messages to let her know I was here but I also just did everything wrong and unintentionally hurt her and she felt so hurt about it. She told me the funeral wasn't the worst thing that weekend but was me.

    She came back and we talked and she felt it was best if we broke up so she can work on controlling her emotions and being able to think clearer. I tried to tell her we didnt have to break up for her to get better but she felt that was the only option and said we should try being friends for a month or two and maybe try again.
    I agreed on this and tried being her friend but she felt like we couldnt be just friends after a couple days of trying and needs space of maybe a few weeks or a month or two. But still says she loves me.

    I want to give her space but I now understand that depression might be controlling this. What can I do? I dont think I can not talk to her for so long. I want her back but I want her to talk to me now and not in a month.

  2. quirkywords
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    quirkywords avatar
    14715 posts
    8 August 2018 in reply to Domino96


    Welcome to the forum and thanks for reaching out.

    Firstly, I am sorry it has taken a while, for you to get a reply, and this has nothing to do with you but it just something that happens .

    You have written a very moving post about your relationship and I can see you are a very compassionate and caring person.

    You understand the complex nature of the relationship and the problems your girlfriend faces.

    Would you consider talking to a trained person on the Beyond blue support line 1300 224636

    It is very difficult being with someone who is depressed and it is even more difficult being depressed and coping with your emotions. Some people do need space when they are depressed and time to work things out but I can understand how that would be very hard on you.

    The more you pressure her to see her, the more it may upset her .

    I realise it is very difficult for you but she seems to have insight into what she needs at the moment. You can offer her support and friendship at this time.

    Would you consider contacting Beyoond Blue Support Service 1300224636which offers suppprt action and advice. sometimes talking through your problems to a trained person can help you sort out a few issues.

    feel free to post here as much as you like. these are just my thoughts and you may not agree. thanks again for sharing your story.


  3. LeeA18
    LeeA18 avatar
    135 posts
    16 August 2018 in reply to quirkywords

    I have been going through something similar.

    Quirky, your advice is spot on. I told my ex that I am there for him during everything, but he said that he just felt like needed space. It wouldn't be easy to be in a relationship with someone and try and not feel like you are burdening them. Some partners with depression seem to want to have a carer and support, while others rather push their significant other away. I don't believe the partner without depression wins in either situation. I can understand their decision to break up but at the same time, it is hard to get your head wrapped around it.

    My biggest tip......I tried to google topics on mental illnesses and breaking up/needing space, this isn't a great idea. Some of the responses on forums that people have, who don't understand mental illnesses, can be harsh and make you second guess things. It is best to stay on forums like this where you can get actual support. Also, get your own support group around you that are caring. My best friend got sick of me talking about it all and starting to become really nasty about it all and saying really hurtful things to me and sending me articles on how, if he wanted to be in my life, he would be etc. I was like "but he has depression, he doesn't want to be in anybodies life at the moment."

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