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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Need help with a suicidal wife which refuses to get help

Topic: Need help with a suicidal wife which refuses to get help

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    3 January 2022

    Hello All

    I need help or advice on how to deal with my suicidal wife who refuses to get mental health help

    We have been married for 22 years and she has had major bouts of depression with suicidal tendencies

    she is well educated and is in the medical profession

    we have two older boys who are nearly self reliant now

    but I don’t think I can hang in any longer and I’m worried what she will do if I say I can’t

  2. HappyHelper88
    Champion Alumni
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    HappyHelper88 avatar
    198 posts
    3 January 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hey There Thank you for posting and welcome,

    Im sorry to hear about your wife, do you know the reason why she wont get help?

    It sounds like a very hard situation and you also need to take care of yourself

    Have you ever spoken with Lifeline? Maybe if you have them on the phone she will talk to them or they can help you with what to do

    On the lifeline website it says
    "If you are concerned that someone is struggling or might be thinking about suicide and you aren't sure how to talk to them, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14. One of our trained Crisis Supporters will be there to listen and support you."
    They offer 24 hour support 13 11 14

    I hope this helps

  3. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    3 January 2022 in reply to HappyHelper88

    She is to stubborn and I want to say lazy but that not correct but what it’s look like and sometimes how it feels

    As well as being in the medical profession she is concerned that she will loose her job and friends

    She only works 5 days a month spend the rest of the time in bed watching movies or sleeping

  4. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2138 posts
    4 January 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hi Guest 3847,

    Im really sorry your wife and your self are going through this.

    You can only try to encourage your wife to seek professional help ……. She could start at her gp….

    Maybe you could remind her that anything medical is kept confidential.

    Mental health conditions need treatment, please remind your wife with the correct treatment she can recover.

  5. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    5 January 2022 in reply to Petal22

    Thanks Petal for the response

    Im trying to talk her into seeing the local GP but I’m hitting my head against a brick wall on the subject

    she has driven away most of her friends by over sharing and over complicating everything

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2138 posts
    5 January 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    That’s ok Guest 3847,

    Would you telling her you will accompany her at the gp help?

    Im sorry about your wife’s friends but I believe if they were real friends they would want to support her.

    She could call Beyondblue anytime and speak to a trained councillor 1300 22 4636 maybe you could ask her to try to call when she’s ready in an understanding way.

  7. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    6 January 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hi Guest_3847

    I have been reading your posts and I wanted to congratulate you for reaching out here to share how you are feeling and to get some conversation and some comfort around what is happening in your marriage and what your wife is experiencing. You have had some great support here.

    I wanted to put something to you and I am not sure what you will think but what if you were to open up the lines of communication with your wife about how you are feeling and how her health is impacting you and I turn your marriage.
    Sure it will be a hard conversation but being honest with her may help her to put her mental health as a priority knowing that she may be jeopardising her marriage.

    While I am no way suggesting an ultimatum but letting her gently know how much you love her but her inability to make her wellness a priority is impacting you. Let her know that you are having thoughts about the future of the marriage but you want to help and support her and will even make an appointment for her and go together. Perhaps it is starting with a phone call even to a crisis support service like Beyond Blue or as mentioned earlier, Lifeline.

    Perhaps your wife does not know the severity of how her inability to get help is hurting you and the marriage and therefore a conversation with her may not only get her to think about her health but allow you to help her in the way you want to.

    As a medical field worker I am sure she is aware that her confidentiality is assured and I wonder if this could be a reason not to have to do the hard work that is ahead of her. It will be tough to start the journey to wellness but every day forward is a day closer to feeling some relief and some brightness and hope, and for you too.

    You sound like such a wonderful and supportive husband and I hope she accepts the conversation with you and takes your hand to get some help.

    All the very best to you and you wife and remember the support services are available 24/7 for you both, you deserve happiness, both of you.

    Cheers

    Sarah

  8. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    10 February 2022

    Hello all

    well to update I had thought I got my wife the help she needed. She just spent weeks as an inpatient getting help

    but I feel I have been played / lied to as she has made another attempt within hours of getting out

    I’m not sure what the next steps are

    how do we go about rebuild the trust again ?

    I’m feeling so overwhelmed trying to keep everything together

  9. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    10 February 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hi guest, please forgive me if it sounds harsh, I just so relate to your wife as I've had attempts, that I have strong feelings reading Ur words

    Transitioning out of hopsifal is really hard, I always get so low and sometimes even seriously low when I come home.

    You speak of her quite harshly, like she's playing Games, yet it sounds like she's in deep pain,

    Perhaps you can get help from others who are carers, or a therapist for ourselves.

    We can't really fix anyone or take away their pain, we may need to work on ourselves, to become the best we can be..

    Just the way u write sounds like u succeeded in fixing her, as if she is broken. Depression isn't her fault and feeling as she does is not a choice she makes.

    She doesn't want to get help....can u leas the way by getting therapy for urself?

    I'm always wary of ppl telling others to go to a therapist

    The change has to come from within the person.

  10. Petal22
    Community Champion
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    Petal22 avatar
    2138 posts
    10 February 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hi Guest 3847,

    I understand how hard this would be for you……. ( to watch your wife going through this)..

    But your wife is not well, I don’t think she would be doing what she is doing to play you….. she’s not well….

    Please encourage your wife to go back to hospital to seek help…..

    If you are feeling overwhelmed please call one of our trained councillors at Beyond Blue.. 1300 22 4636.

  11. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    16480 posts
    11 February 2022 in reply to Guest_3847

    Hello Guest, if your wife is in the medical profession she would know how to play with the staff at the hospital, what to say and how to behave, eventually, convincing them she can be released.

    Being in a hospital would give you the indication that she's receiving the help she needs and temporarily appease your concern, but unfortunately, once she is released, another attempt is made.

    There seems to be much she's hiding to herself and after being married for 22 years have you thought about separating, it's not a suggestion you should worry about because if she is alone then her thoughts may suddenly improve and I mean no harm towards you.

    Geoff.

  12. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    11 February 2022 in reply to geoff

    Sorry Geoff

    I’m not sure If I understand your suggestion

    are you saying if I not around her mindset might improve?

  13. Guest_3847
    Guest_3847 avatar
    7 posts
    10 April 2022

    Well we are still going through the same problems

    I think my wife depression is effecting me and sending me into a depression as well

    I feel like I’m a slave in this relationship

    I have lost interest in my hobbies and want to get rid of them

    I have no interaction now with friends or family

    It was my birthday and my wife tried again

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