Welcome to the bb forum.
I’m really sorry that your son is unwell and that you’re struggling to engage with him right now about seeking help or moving forward in his life.
I’m also a mum and I’ve been in your shoes. I understand the guilt you are experiencing and I want to encourage you to let it go.
You have done your best to care for your son and parents with a heart full of love in difficult circumstances. You are still doing your best and even though it’s hard, I know you will plough on—because that’s what we do as parents. You don’t need to beat yourself up, you need to give yourself a hug.
I also understand your frustration when he puts the wall up. I want to suggest that you consider taking a break from trying to talk to him about his mental health and/or future.
Talk to him about any other things; he might like to talk about the games he’s playing. See if you can get him to do things with you—watch a movie, get a coffee, go for a walk, etc.
Then find ways to praise him —great idea, good job with the chores, interesting perspective, like you in that t-shirt, etc.
Then see what he does.
My experience is that if he feels you’re not “at him”, if he feels you’re on his side, if he doesn’t feel on the back foot, he will open up to you. (I know you’re on his side etc but it’s about how he might perceive the situation.) It might take a bit of time but that’s okay.
In the meantime, do some research. The bb website has some great materials to help you start the conversation you want to have. I can help you brainstorm if you think it would help. You will know when the time is right to gently raise the issue and you’ll be prepared.
Remember that your son likely is unwell. He used to have a fuller life and I’m sure he wants that back. I suspect he’s scared, stuck and angry with life right now. Right now your bearing the brunt of his pain but you can this.
I want you to know that it can get better for him. Your love and support is the key. Lucky for him that he’s got you.
Kind thoughts to you