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Forums / Supporting family and friends with a mental health condition (carers) / Terrified my husband is falling back into depression

Topic: Terrified my husband is falling back into depression

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Katie Fern
    Katie Fern avatar
    3 posts
    20 October 2021
    I’m really terrified my husband is about to slip back into depression. I don’t know if I can cope with it again.

    It’s quiet a long story. My husband moved to Australia just over 10 years ago so we could marry. He never quiet settled in; he hasn’t been able to make any long term friends, didn’t want to commit to a University course while a PR (cost reasons) and has been in and out of dead end jobs the entire time. He’s from an extremely unsupportive family – and my family isn’t super welcoming either – so feels entirely alone except for me. He is also bisexual, and has struggled with the idea that we ‘got married too young’ and he’s supressed this side of himself.

    We recently tried a polygamous three-way relationship with another man, to help my husband explore this side of himself. I should never have agreed to it, as it’s not something I really wanted to do, but we’d been having some marital disagreements, I was waiting for endometrium surgery and couldn’t have sex, and he was slipping into depression even further. The guy we started seeing was nice enough, but I really wasn’t into it. My husband fell for him though. Hard. I let it go, because I hadn’t seen him this happy in years… but it didn’t last. My husband fell into depression even worse, after a time.

    Earlier this year, we broke it off, because the man we were seeing decided that he wanted to find a long-term partner, settle down, have kids, the works. This absolutely DEVESTATED my husband. However, the heartbreak actually broke him out of depression for the first time. After a month or so, he finally picked himself up, decided to go back to school and has been improving ever since.

    Then, yesterday, we were told he would be unenrolled from his University course because there had been a problem with his fees, and they hadn’t been paid on time. For this reason, they ‘legally’ couldn’t allow him to continue. Of course, we can’t actually talk to anyone about this because they’re learning from home at the moment (Melbourne lockdown…) and no-one is answering their phones to give us answers.

    My husband is absolutely shattered. He can’t believe that he might not be able to continue due to a clerical error, and is blaming himself for not being more proactive about it. He was sobbing in bed last night about being a failure; failing to keep a job, failing his relationship with the other man, failing me, and now failing this. He wanted so badly to do well to show me that he was worth it.

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    6201 posts
    20 October 2021 in reply to Katie Fern


    Might cover the easy (?) one first... have you tried contacting student services and find out what your options are? Or perhaps some support from one of the lecturers in the course he is doing?

    Personally I do not think he failed with the other man either ... I am unsure of what the other man was looking for either. I assume the other person came into your relationship with some understanding of what he was getting into. I also wonder what might have happened if he stayed as well?

    Does your husband get any professional help? Or would he consider that? (You said that your families are not very supportive)

    Lastly, this post while perhaps looking for answers for your husband is from you. I can tell you care for him very much. I also know that partners can also suffer as a result. So I wondering how you are going at the moment as well?

    If you want to chat ...

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    16251 posts
    21 October 2021 in reply to Katie Fern

    Hello Katie Fern, and a warm welcome to the site.

    Can I join Smallwolf in worrying about yourself here as much has happened and you may feel very perplexed by the whole situation.

    You have also mentioned several problems your husband is trying to cope with and wonder whether there's one particular issue that's causing how he is thinking with the others to follow.


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