Hi, I’m Ace and it’s lovely to meet you all.
For some background information about myself, I use any pronouns (he/she/they) with no preference. I also like cats, baking and listening to rock music.
I have rarely talked about what issues plague me but I feel like this is the time.
For as long as I can remember, I have had nightmares. I have rarely had a good dream in my entire life. Recently (since about a year ago), the nightmares have become even worse. They are more graphic, more terrifying and feel more real.
These nightmares I have range from everything from r*pe to violence. Sometimes I am the one committing acts of violence against others but majority of the time I am the victim of this violence.
I am making this post now as two nights ago I had the worst nightmare I’ve ever had. I won’t go into detail of what it was about as it is too graphic but simply put it was just more graphic violence. Sometimes when I wake up from these dreams I am too afraid to go back to sleep, but recently I have started becoming afraid of sleeping.
Last night I cried thinking about the IDEA of going to sleep because that’s how much these nightmares bother me now. I was so afraid of going to sleep that even though I was incredibly tired, I forced myself to stay awake and pull an all nighter. However, I eventually went to sleep and I didn’t dream. Still, as I am typing this I am dreading the idea of sleeping when it is hours away. I feel like my fear of sleeping is impacting my ability to live my day to day life. I know that these dreams are just it, dreams but when I’m asleep they feel so real that even after I awake, they still haunt me.
I would really like to know if anyone else has the problem and how they cope with it. I have additional stress from PTSD which I was diagnosed with last year and exams coming up so I would really like to get 8 hours of sleep a night without dreading it or being haunted by my nightmares.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post and I hope you have a wonderful day :).