Emotional neglect is, in my opinion, hugely underrecognized,
& the effects similarly so. The way we are treated by the people who we
most depend on is so fundamentally important to how we learn about what we can
expect from other people who come into our lives.
I’ve been working on my own history for a long time. I
can’t rush it; I’d d become defensive & not talk. I’ve had to learn that I
can trust, & I also hope I can judge to what extent I can trust others. Learning
boundaries, & setting my own, deciding myself where the boundaries will be
right for me.
Years now, & I am still learning to ask for what I
want, to be proactive about my own needs, I am my priority; I’m not last in
line. I do deserve consideration, care & assistance. I have an intrinsic
value, equal to anyone & everyone else. & (I really need to learn) to
negotiate for what I need.
I’ve been seeing my Psychiatrist, (PDr) for many years.
Others before him, one of whom treated me poorly with regards to boundaries. I
can only say his poor treatment made it clearer to me that weak boundaries are
something I don’t want.
Having had several appalling relationships, I don’t even
feel the yearning anymore. I’ve had some close friends, & I question the quality
of those friendships now.
Because I needed help, I have found two I’ve come to trust.
I like them both, sort of like friends, but we have an understanding that their
relationship with me is one of ‘business’.
I could become good friends with one, who has spent more time
with me, getting done those things I need to do, & for outings, for
pleasure, away from my flat. I feel comfortable, most of the time. Occasionally
she’ll do something which triggers old memories.
Her memory is almost as bad as mine, so I have to keep
telling her I don’t like some things she does, like reaching & grabbing my
hand, brushing my hair from my neck. I can’t see much, so am not anticipating
I must explain that to her.
I just thought that: I can’t anticipate her touch, &
that is part of why I feel triggered. I don’t want to have to explain, like I
had to explain about how I use my white cane, & how to guide me. I’d love
it if I didn’t think my needs were so invisible. But, no, people can’t read our
I need to leave it here. That last bit was so important
for me - & I have you to thank, for asking questions! Amazing what happens
when someone asks questions.