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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Confused, worn down, rock bottom

Topic: Confused, worn down, rock bottom

13 posts, 0 answered
  1. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    3 May 2021
    Hi all, I’m 44 and have been having some strange mental health symptoms start up about 5 years ago. I also had undiagnosed issues as a child. I have been trying to get a diagnosis but can’t get help. I’ve been to so many dr, psychologist, psychiatrist etc. no one is diagnosing me with anything but they keep telling me I have a bunch of things and offering me anti depressants. This won’t help me. I’ve now given up and am too scared to go to a dr because any more rejections or shoulder shrugging will tip me over. I lost my job last year after telling them about these problems. I was forced to resign. Worked there for 18 years. I am lost and don’t think I will be able to cope alone soon
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5893 posts
    3 May 2021 in reply to Split peas
    Dear Split Peas, 

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for showing so much courage in reaching out for support. It is an icnredibly brave thing to do and an incredibel step to take. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment and we want to acknowledge how difficult work related stress can be - especially when it is linked to our mental health. 

    We think it would be a great idea for you to speak to one of our incredible counsellors by calling the BeyondBlue phoneline on 1300 22 4636. They can help you find other supports and give you some friendly and useful advice. If you prefer you can also call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and speak to them - they are also brilliant!

    We hope that you will stay connected to this community and have a look around the forums. There are lots of conversations about how we can engage with Mental Health supports and wonderful stories full of hope and recovery. Please feel free to come back and update us on how you are going if you feel comfortable. 

    Kind regards ,
    Sophie M
  3. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5742 posts
    3 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    Hi and welcome to the forums.

    Sorry to hear you lost your job after all those years of service. It is sad to hear that when you mentioned this you lost your job. It sounded a "too hard basket". I also want to mention how brave it is to post and tell a little of your story.

    In your post you said...

    have been trying to get a diagnosis but can’t get help. I’ve been to so many dr, psychologist, psychiatrist etc. no one is diagnosing me with anything but they keep telling me I have a bunch of things and offering me anti depressants.

    Can I ask what sort of diagnosis you are looking for? Or what did they tell you?

    Here is my story (or part thereof) ... My psychologist said that I have depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Outside of that I have I ticked all the boxes on the cognitive distortions check list. I can get overwhelmed by too may things to deal with at once. When somethings goes wrong I can blame myself and call my a failure etc. A couple of other people in my family have spoken with psychologists ... one was GAD and other was "sensory overload". I have wished for a diagnosis that I could put it all down to but that does not work for me. So I have a bits of lots of things all of which give me a negative outlook on life. It is what it is!

    My last comment is, and I don't know how long were with each psych*, but for me, this is a long journey. Like a marathon vs a 100m sprint.

    If you want to talk more about what is going on for you, please write back. The people here are very supportive and non-judgemental.


  4. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    5 May 2021 in reply to smallwolf
    I just was hoping for someone to tell me why this is or what this is? I don’t know how I will wake up day to day. Could be angry, sad, calm, etc. but it’s making it hard to find work. The psychiatrist I last saw sent me to a specialist dr for meds but when I get there he won’t give them to me as he says what the psychiatrist told me is a ‘theory’. More wasted time and money. I think a lot of my anger is from lack of help from anyone I’ve opened up to. Work, dr’s etc. I feel I’m on my own now.
  5. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5742 posts
    5 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    In your initial post you said ... "they keep telling me I have a bunch of things"

    Can you say what sort of things?

    And I'd say losing your job is quite stressful and some days would make you angry or sad etc. And more frustrating and anger at the lack of support.

    What sort of work did you do?

    My last question is .... do you still see a psychologist/psychiatrist?

  6. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    275 posts
    6 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    Hi split peas

    like small wolf I wonder too if you are seeing any mental health professionals? And do you have a partner/friends/family to talk to?

    I don’t know a lot about the situation but could that be grounds for discrimination forcing someone to resign because of mental health issues?

    here to talk about everything if you’d like?

  7. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    11 May 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    It is grounds if you have money. I can’t afford it. I’ve been trying to see psychologists but it wasn’t right. I finished telling 1 all my issues, she wanted me to go home and take 6 weeks to myself. I’m unemployed. Stressed at home. Wasn’t good advise. The psychiatrist prescribed some medication that a specialist dr needs to prescribe. I book, wait and see this dr to be told he won’t prescribe it as what the psychiatrist said was a theory. I don’t know what else to do
  8. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    11 May 2021 in reply to smallwolf
    I’ve been told by my first psychologist that she thinks I have ADHD, PTSD, extreme anxiety and depression. But nothing has been diagnosed. No tests done. Now I’m more confused than ever. My partner and I are struggling so I don’t really talk to him, my kids have their own issues so I try not to get them involved. I only have 1 good friend who I haven’t told as I like to have 1 person treat me normally. I struggle with friends as apparently I’m weird
  9. Chunty
    Chunty avatar
    110 posts
    17 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    Split peas Dear. You poor thing. I dont know what to say except that I honestly feel and empathise for you. Believe me, I do understand what you are going thru. Im suffering alot as well, and don,t know who to trust as well. The only thing that helps me is saying prayers on YouTbe and watching Jesus movies. The big bonus is having my cat Merryweather on my lap. Honestly it helps. Being Catholic means alot to me. Is there anything you know or like that will soothe you? I also have a nasty terminal illness to deal with and Im stuck in a chair. So the internet and having nice little snacks also help. Please dont feel Im trying to push you Im only trying help you find some moments of peace, with the things that you like. Try not to worry too much on diagnosis. Ive got a few, they are only descrptive words. They do nothing for the way you feel. Keep communicating with the caring souls in the forum. It all helps. If I do hear from you , no pressure. Tell me what are your favourite things are.God Bless you dear one🍒🙂

    1 person found this helpful
  10. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5742 posts
    17 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    Not sure how helpful my suggestion will be for you....

    one book which my psychologist suggested I read was called "the happiness trap". I know that it can also be borrowed from my local library and so I guess it might be in your library as well. If so, it might be worth looking at?

    I just have depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. There were no real tests except to gauge how things were in the week(s) prior to my session(s).

    Do you have any ways or strategies of dealing with the anxiety and depression? If not, I can share some ideas. You could also look on the threads on grounding and mindfulness.

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to Chunty

    Thankyou, I’m glad you have found those moments of peace. I like knitting, reading, my animals, but I can’t sit still for too long. I don’t make it through a tv show anymore. Hahaha drives my kids crazy.

  12. Split peas
    Split peas  avatar
    7 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to smallwolf
    I’ve tried the breathing etc but it works very minimally if at all. I’m now finding if anything ‘negative ‘ happens around me I start shaking almost uncontrollably and I feel almost faint, but then it comes out as anger, or sadness. It’s like a release valve. I will try that book though, it sounds like it might be helpful:)
  13. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    275 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to Split peas

    Hi Split peas

    I have experience with anxiety - mine is in the form of generalised anxiety, general as in brought on by thinking about anything.

    I’m with you regarding breathing. For people who have no problems (relatively speaking) but have anxiety, breathing might be good, but I find it absolutely terrible. There is one caveat though. I find it terrible when I’m really stressed by something I can’t avoid (eg work, a deadline), but for things that aren’t about avoiding but tolerating, I find breathing can help.

    I think breathing and mindfulness and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (as I understand that’s what The happiness trap is based one, can be good for anxiety, but I wonder if it’s also because of your situation as well.

    so you’re unemployed now, that sucks, I feel for you. Is your family managing to pay the bills or is that a problem too?

    You said your kids have their own problems and you and your partner are struggling. Would you like to talk about those relationships?

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