Dear Deeply Honest~
I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here where your thoughts can be spoken to others who do not judge, care and often have been in similar places
I regret I can't understand all your poem -my lack, not yours. You have expressed your self truthfully in a way that you understand, others such as myself look though the words and only come across phrases they relate to
that pull me back
with cruel accusations that scream out my name,
listing all of the qualities I lack.
That was me when suicidal having been invalided out of my occupation, in fact it was me before that . I felt everything was due to shortcomings in myself, a belief you took your faults with you, and so there was no real escape.
I was wrong, depression had narrowed down my view of life to just a few things, ones I genuinely thought could not be fixed. Depression convinces, its thoughts are indistinguishable from yours - you beleive.
If I understood more of your words I'd probably recognize more we had in common. Perhaps as I mull over your words further I may, or you might write again.
Even with what I have understood so far I may be able to give a glimmer of hope. From suicidal, told I'd never work again, and in the grip of PTSD, depression and anxiety I've improved to the extent I'm glad I am alive, can give as well as receive support and love, and achieve satisfaction on my work. Maybe you might call that a miracle -though a slow one.
I honestly do not know if I am on the right track in my response, I hope I am, not only so you do not feel so isolated and alone, but to be able to talk with you about your situation with at least a degree of understanding.
I hope to hear from you again