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Topic: Hello :)

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Yannie1203
    Yannie1203 avatar
    1 posts
    5 June 2019
    Hi everyone, I have been diagnosed with depression and extremely severe anxiety few years ago. The feeling comes and goes. I have also seen counsellors and they were both helpful.. One counsellor has taught me how to identify the trigger, and once I identify the trigger I have to face it not avoid it. Since, avoiding everything is my talent.. I have been having anxiety attack again, and this time, the trigger is my partner. I was so anxious about him and then found out it was true. I am having difficulty believing everything he says, as he lied to my face before. He kept lying until I showed him proof that he's lying. and it's happening again, I can feel and I know he's lying but again, he is not telling the truth. I know everyone will say to leave him because this is just destroying my head but I want to try work this out. I hate liers, all my life I was surrounded by liers.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    11060 posts
    5 June 2019 in reply to Yannie1203

    Dear Yannie1203~

    I'm sorry this is happening to you and I guess that you try depends upon several things, The first being the subject of the lies. I would think it has be be something pretty major to have this effect on you. Would you like to give an indication of what it is about? (You are under no obligation of course, only say what you feel comfortable with). It's just without specific details it might be hard to give you the exact support you need.

    A person with a gambling problem is a whole different case from one who goes out for nights with the boys, and our responses would be tailored accordingly.

    The real answers to your questions lies inside you, as I'm sure you know. Your desire to remain, your strenght, if you feel cared for.

    I feel I do have to mention having depression and an anxiety condition is not good at the best of times and while I hate to bring this up I've often been convinced of something highly unpleasant due to my anxiety condition, things that have turned out not to be so. I'm not doubting you, just raising the point I've been mistaken.

    Your experience before with your instinct being confirmed most probably may mean you are right this time too.

    It would be good to have certainty either way.

    First can I suggest a clear and frank discussion with you partner about how you feel, what it is doing to you and the basis of these current suspicions. It may be easiest for just the two of you alone, or with a councilor.

    If that does not resolve matters then I guess you may decide if you should stay or go.I do think being in a permanent state of distrust and anxiety is not going to be good for you long-term.

    Look, I've only touched the surface of a complex issue, if you would like to come back and say more that would be great

    Croix.

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    16437 posts
    6 June 2019 in reply to Yannie1203

    Hello Yannie, it's good that you have decided to make a comment on the site because living with a habitual lier makes a very difficult situation for yourself.

    If he is continually lying it becomes a habit for him and is second nature in a way that he can no longer control, so you never know whether to believe him or not.

    There is an old saying 'The boy who cried wolf' if you've heard of the saying, where you believe and trust what has been said and then show your affection and love from what he's said, only to be let done by a lie, that is not only demoralising but destroys the loyalty you might have once had.

    You should not have to show him proof, that's not how a relationship/marriage should be like.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

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