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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Hi I'm new here. Need support

Topic: Hi I'm new here. Need support

16 posts, 0 answered
  1. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    5 July 2021

    My heart just feels heavy and my chest aches so much. I feel I have nobody who will listen to me and m holding back tears.

    I feel nobody understands me. not even my partner. I feel so lost and heartbroken. Please tell me it will be ok.

  2. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1565 posts
    5 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Hi Ratz

    Im really sorry you’re feeling this way, but I’m glad you found your way here. There are people here who care and will listen.

    Sometimes letting tears out can be really cathartic, so if you want to do that, that’s ok. Do you want to talk? Im here to listen. I’m about to make a cuppa :)

    Katy

  3. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5926 posts
    5 July 2021 in reply to Ratz
    Hey Ratz,

    Welcome to these friendly forums, and thank you so much for taking the brave step in reaching out tonight. We can hear how much pain you must be feeling right now, but please know that you've come to a safe space to talk things through, and our community are here to listen and offer their kind words of support and advice during this difficult time. We hope that becoming part of this community will help you to feel a little less alone through this, and please know that extra support is always available to you, and we'd urge you to reach out.

    Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? It can be so difficult to cope with all of this on your own, and we'd really encourage you to talk these thoughts and feelings through with the kind counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are here for you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or also through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport They can help offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. Our friends at Lifeline are also always here for you on 13 11 14, and please know that you can contact them as often as you need whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

    Please know that many other members here will understand and may be able to help- you are never alone in this. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind as we'd love to be here for you.
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    6 July 2021

    Thank you so much.

    I Did end up crying a lot just now and feel a lil better. My husband and I have a lil bub and the past few months have been very hard on our relationship with the sleep deprivation and endless work.

    I feel criticised, inadequate. I feel like he doesn't love me. I asked him for help with something and I was literally crying then. It was about helping me to get some sleep by him taking care of the baby early morning. It ended up being a fight eventually and he even said he works harder than I do. It hurt so much to hear that..

    Now he has been very apologetic and has started taking the baby early morning. But these episodes have a pattern. I ask him for something and he doesn't listen and it turns into a fight where the blame falls on me. Even if it's for not accepting his apology immediately. I feel like I end up being blamed even if I'm the one who is hurt.

    I Feel like he was so different when we weren't married. What's happened to him now? He yells when he's angry and says hurtful things for which he apologises. But even with the apology he continues justifying his actions. I don't think such apologies count.

    These episodes have been happening very often now. He even yelled at me in front of my mother.all I did was ask him to stop the car somewhere so I could feed the baby who was screaming from thirst/hunger. I don't think I deserved being screamed at like that

  5. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie.

    Thanks for your reply. No I'm not currently receiving any mental health support.

  6. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    1339 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Hi Ratz,

    Wellcome to our forums! You aren’t alone……

    So sorry you are feeling this way, I understand… when we have a baby in the early stages things can be very overwhelming…….. not having enough sleep also contributes to this…

    Well done for asking your husband to have the baby early mornings so you can sleep……. Wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to ask and he offered…….. our husbands need to be reminded sometimes that it takes two to have a baby and every thing needs to be shared in looking after the baby……. He needs to do his share so you can feel more rested…… nothing is more frustrating than being totally sleep deprived and you are the one getting up all of the time while your partner just sleeps……. He needs to see that YOU need your sleep aswell for your mental health……. I know it’s not nice having arguments but you need to talk to him about sharing the load so you can function aswell……..

    Having a little baby is a huge lifestyle change……. I understand 😊 but you both need to talk it out so you both know we’re each other is coming from….. your partner needs to help out to help you………

    If you feel things are hard emotionally you can have a chat to your gp…….. you aren’t alone and we are here for you…….

    im here to chat to you

  7. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Hello Ratz, and a warm welcome and being a new mum, certainly has its difficulties, not that you would expect them to be like this, after being proud to carry your unborn child for 9 months, showing off to everyone how big your tummy has grown, so the anticipation of it being such a happy time once the baby is born can be for some completely different.

    I'm not qualified to say but have learnt from experience, that new mums can develop PND, as my ex did with our second child, but you have to remember you have a 24/7 job, not only looking after the needs of your baby but also washing, cleaning, entertaining the baby and trying to make it go to sleep, while you are sleep deprived yourself, so you certainly have your hands full.

    The family routine does change and it is possible that the husband also suffers from PND, I did, however, this shouldn't stop the two of you from trying to help each other and by no means should you be yelled at under any circumstance, because your body is trying to cope with the massive change it's been going through for the past year or so.

    It may be helpful to suggest you ask him to see his doctor and this doesn't exclude you from getting the help you also need and this is important to know that you are getting the support you need from your doctor as well as posting here, where people understand what you are going through.

    Please get back to us.

    Geoff.

  8. Helpmeeeee
    Helpmeeeee avatar
    9 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Honestly in my experience, even if things don't get better, you get stronger. That's what we do here. We build each other up.

    On bad depression days, I like to force myself out of bed to watch a movie, or just grab a drink of water and some food. On the better ones I can go outside to a park or go for a short walk. These strategies may take time to work and they might not work for you, but I hope they do.

    Wishing you luck!

  9. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    275 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Hi Ratz,

    Sounds like you have two problems at the moment, you are overwhelmed and your husband is unnecessarily angry. Sorry it’s so difficult for you. As others have said, it is a big job. How long have you been married and how old is your bub ?

  10. Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Katyonthehamsterwheel avatar
    1565 posts
    6 July 2021 in reply to Ratz

    Hi Ratz

    Glad you had a cry and got some of the hurt out. I’m sorry you’re not feeling supported by your husband at this time. It’s a really big period of adjustment having a new baby, and it sounds like it hasn’t been a smooth one for you all.

    I’m wondering what other supports you have available? Is your mum close by? Do you have other family/friends that can support you? Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Little babies are quite demanding and mum’s need their rest to be able to cope.

    Do you think with your husband, that his behaviour is a result of stress, or is it more than that? I agree that good communication to find out what’s happening for you both would be helpful if it’s possible. Katy

  11. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    Hi. I've been married for almost six years and bub is around nine months old.
  12. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy,

    My Mom doesn't live here. Since I am a recent immigrant I don't have many friends here either.

    I think it's a result of stress. But these episodes happened even long before I had a baby. In fact we were newly married that's the first time it happened.

  13. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    7 July 2021

    I broke down in front of my husband again yesterday. But nothing came out of it and now we are just quiet.

    I always wanted a rule in my married life that you don't go to sleep without patching up. Unfortunately we don't live by that rule because my husband has no problem falling asleep without patching up. It breaks my heart

  14. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    275 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Ratz
    What was the cause of this particular breakdown yesterday Ratz?
  15. Ratz
    Ratz avatar
    7 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Here2Talk
    The unresolved resentment. There are so many episodes that came to my mind yesterday of his anger. In the past six years. That I just broke down and told him I can't do this.
  16. Here2Talk
    Here2Talk avatar
    275 posts
    7 July 2021 in reply to Ratz
    I see. I’m so sorry. What was his response to that?

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