Being trapped with my mother is what landed me in the hospital. I cannot stand the way she devalues people. No one has any value unless they are "pretty." She never can laugh with me about things unless it is to put someone else down. I don't find that fun; I find it really depressing because she does that and did that to me my whole life. I don't think I am going to survive another lockdown. I have to go to school and my friends' houses and get away from her. So, I guess what I am asking people is to give me some ideas on how to have fun by myself in my room. I love to write. I like to create characters who are funny& nice. I VALUE them and they aren't pretty. It makes me feel good to read my stories so I guess I can do that but sometimes my body dysmorphia literally gets in the way of that. WHat it is, is obsessing , having intrusive negative thoughts that you can't seem to get away from about how you look. They loop around and around in my head-and i am not vain at all-it is just the opposite. People who have this are attractive but we think we look like monsters. It would be funny if it weren't so painful because i look back on what I thought when I was six and it was so far from reality it actually is funny but the disorder isn't. It falls on the OCD spectrum and it is Very distressing. I have to be honest with everyone here-I am not okay with the fights going on about Covid-19 and i know how psychopathic people can be because of my mother and I know that people in power are just like her and this is extremely stressful. ignorance is bliss I suppose if I did not have a sociopath for a mother i wouldn't know what those in power in the world are capable of. People like my mother have no conscience. She cannot FEEL anything for me. She does not FEEL anything for the people she laughs at and mocks. It is a terrifying time with these mask mandates, social distancing etc. I'd prefer to get the virus seriously. This was the first time I ever did anything bad and ended up in ICU. I need to find a way to make my world happy even though she is outside. So here is what I have done so far. I asked my father if i could sign up for a yoga teacher training-I thought this would force me to exercise and help me relax. he said he would think about it so in the meantime i have signed up for a free 7 day trial what do you think? I am going to write a new character after I complete this post to cheer me up too. any ideas are welcome. Thanks.

Hi Scapegoated,

Sorry to read you ended up in hospital and sorry to read of the situation you are in at home. It sounds like you are finding ways to deal with your situation.

The yoga teacher training sounds interesting, I am sure you would learn so much through that study. There may be a lot of research you can do on line until your father agrees to help fund the training.

Have you been writing for long? Has it always been an interest of yours? It sounds like it allows you to find a way to deal with your life. Some people find any kind of creativity to be a wonderful way of calming and healing ourselves.

Was the hospital able to offer you any advice on where you could gain help and assistance on your release?

We can not change the people who are around us. It can be very difficult to live with them. I wish you well in finding a way to continue on in your situation. Regards from Dools

Hi Dools,
The hospital was not very helpful because unlike online forums like youtube where people know about narcissistic abuse the place seemed to listen to my mother and believe what a "wonderful , caring loving person she is. I don't think they believed me. But the Dr-not psychiatrist-who saved my life believed me. He came in to talk to me and told me "please you almost died; I want to help you." I told him about my mother and the horrible way she treats me and he gave me his card and made me promise that if i ever feel like dying again to please call him first. I promised him becasue he had tears in his eyes-he BELIEVED ME. It seems that where i live the shrinks are behind the times. IN America it seems the people know more about narcissistic mothers and how they can destroy their daughters. The psychiatrist who saw me in the hospital was like 75 years old and did not seem interested at all in why I was there. He talked at length with my mother and not at all with me. This is what frustrates me about psychiatrists they supposedly are experts but they are pretty ignorant and easily manipulated by my mother. I think it is funny how inept they are and how they believe anything she says. At least I can never be fooled by this behaviour. I can spot a female like my mother a mile away. She is so pathetic and dependent on the good opinion of others. MAybe i am worried about my looks but at least I HAVE a personality. She is an empty shell- a monster.
 

Hi Scapegoated

I’m really sorry that you are unwell and having to deal with your unhelpful toxic mother. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you and hope that you have a better relationship with your father.

Your writing projects sound grand and I like the idea of yoga training—great for the body, mind and soul.

I’m wondering if you’ve ever considered having a pet in your room. Perhaps fish, a guinea pig or a bird? Might be nice to have some company and someone else to care for.

Reading, drawing (maybe your characters?), listening to music, learning a musical instrument (eg harmonica or guitar) and taking up a hobby (eg knitting, sewing, crosswords or puzzles) might also help you to pass your time productively and enjoyably, whilst distracting your mind.

Living through Covid and lockdowns is tough, especially with a MH condition. Hang in there and post anytime you want to talk.

Kind thoughts to you

hey scapegoated

just wanted to validate a lot of what ur saying

yes, i do think in america there is more awareness of narcissism, and bingo, a lot of hopeless mental health practioners (or maybe well meaning, but still hopeless, ones) fall prey to this age-old, dated idea that like, families should be together, no matter what, that parents love their children, always, and that repairing damage often means "forgiving" an abusive family member in the name of family peace. No, no and no.

I also saw a really old psychiatrist who was really bad about this stuff and tried to have me do family therapy with my abusive parent. It was awful. Some ppl are so old-school abotu these ideas.

I didn't find the hospital super sensitive about traumas or abuse, and I've also been a few times. It's definitely not fool-proof advice, but I'd recommend avoiding the 75 year old white male model of psychiatrist or doctor, and be open to seeing female, younger, or modern thinking, therapists, they may get it. They may have seen it all before. They may even get it very quickly, and immeidately see what's up and what your mother is doing.

You've gone through a lot, i hope u are able to do the yoga training and to find some space from ur family, and feel a bit better after all that you have been through. sending care and support.

Do you have somewhere you could go for a walk. I find a long walk by myself looking at the sky, the nature around me, listening to the sounds around me, helps to clear my head and ground me. You sound like a very mature young person and fortunately have seen the errors in your mother's behaviour. You will not change that, but you can grow away from it in your mind. Write your stories and draw your characters. Releasing through art is very therapeutic. You could also try painting, or paint by numbers, or diamond art, or if you can go to a park and practise some mindfulness. Seek a trusted friend or other adult as your sounding board or ring the BB helpline. Good luck. I think you will be fine

SUmmer Rose, SOrry I did not see your reply. I do not get alerts. I Want to tell you, your beautiful response shows you are a lot like your user name. :) I love to smell summer roses. ANyway, Things are a little better with my new antidepressant finally kicking in. I am able to go for a walk but I am feeling tired so I am resting for a couple of days. I feel better which is most important. MY body dysmorphia has abated for the moment. ANd for that I am most grateful. THank you so much and i am very sorry I did not see your post. Please forgive me. NOw I know where to look because i did not get alerts. I hope you feel better and that things are going well for you. Hugs.

SLeepy, thank you so much i did not see your response. I thought i would get alerts and when I don't i did not know when people responded. SOmeone just told me where i can look so when I log in I will know. I felt better the last few days so I did not log in. THank You so much for your wonderful ideas! ANd your helpfulness. THank you for understanding what I am saying about some people in the mental health community who are also narcissists and who listen to the narcissist instead of helping victims of their abuse. OBviously if someone tries to kill themselves and is in a coma for three days and is a young person their parents are not good. Obviously. But narcissists don't care. It would be better to be in AMerica because obviously my mother is of the first wave of narcissits here in AUstralia dn people have not caught on yet-even though the people running the world are the same-it's like they will NEVER get it. THat is frustrating but luckily the medication is helping me. I don't feel angry I just feel calm.

Hi Scapegoated

Please don't worry about your response time. Nobody gets alerts! And there is no pressure, ever, to respond. Everybody here gets MH and understands the challenges. Having said all that, it is lovely to hear from you again and learn that you are feeling better.

I'm so glad your medication is helping you and I'm confident, given some time, that your energy levels will improve. You are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances--well done to you.

Kind thoughts to you

Hello Scapegoated,

Im new to Beyond Blue, just joined today, 26/9/2021. Your post caught my attention as I can relate to your experience of living with a "narcissist" as I've just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with my man, who was such typical narcissist. He put me thru so much pain. I've recently put up a post hopefully to get feedback on anyone who has experienced narcissist abuse.

Pease feel free to drop me a line if your up to exchanging experiences as I'd like to hear what other people have gone thru.

TravelBug2021

Hi - yes my partner of 20 yrs was a covert narcissist.

He showed his true colours when I had cancer and did not feed his narcissistic supply .He was so emotionally unavailable. I eventually realized he enjoyed humiliating me as I wasn't up to feeding his fragile ego. So glad we've been Divorced 4 yrs now.