Hi my name is Roula and I suffer from really bad depression and anxiety. I absolutely hate it as I feel that as I'm getting older its getting worse or is it that I'm not noticing it more and not just pushing it down and bottling it up..
I've seen a couple of physiatrists asking for a diagnosis and maybe some proper medication to help but I haven't had much luck, the most I got was I have adjustment personality disorder.. which isn't really much to go by..
I was abused a lot as a child, was groomed by a teacher in school, developed really early and have had a handful of failed relationships.
NOW I know there are people out there that have it a lot worse then me and I don't want to sound like a victim .. I just want to know how do you guys get your self out of bed and be motivated to do things during the day, be actually happy like really happy without just hiding behind a smile.. how do you sleep at night when your anxiety keeps you up all night..
I've always been seen as that bubbly loud possibly adhd, possibly autistic funny girl that suffers from really bad mental health but lucky I don't self hard anymore and I don't want to die ..
I just want it to stop sometimes..
Sorry and thank you again for letting me blurt this all out.. maybe I should start writing another diary?
I was seeing a GREAT phycologist from being in an armed robbery under victims comp but now I cant seem to find anyone..
Is it just me or is it really hard to get into seeing anyone during the pandemic? also has anyone tried CBT?
I've been told that would be best for me but I don't know where to start..
I was recently emitted into ED for mental health but I know the poor hospital doesn't really have room for someone that isn't a threat to themselves or other people I just get so angry sometimes I want punch tings and hurt myself.. like an outlet of self harming without cutting..
How do you guys do it?
thank you x