Hi...This is scarey. I've never allowed myself to verbalise how frozenI feel inside. When I'm with others I can perform without anyone knowing inside I'm dying. I've always had to be the strong one but now that there is no-one to be strong for any more , I don't know how to carry on. I'm avoiding people if I can. I get panicky at the thought of bumping into someoneI might

Hi Jtaime,

We’re so sorry to hear you’re feeling frozen and scared. Feeling like you don’t have anyone to be strong for must be awful. We’re glad you could share this here, that itself shows enormous strength, we hope you can see that in yourself. 

These are feelings that you shouldn’t have to deal with on your own, so please know that you can reach out to the Beyond Blue helpline at any moment, and someone will talk you through the way you’re feeling and help you to get some support through this time. You can call 1300 22 4636 any time to speak to the counsellors, and they’re also available on webchat, here. Remember, if you ever feel unsafe, please call 000 as this is an emergency.

Please could you tell us a bit more about the way you’re feeling? Have you felt this way before, and if so, has anything helped? Jtaime, this is a really safe space. Our lovely community will be able to offer you kindness, advice and understanding. Many of them will relate to what you’re going through.

Thank you again for sharing, we hope you can see this as a really big first step towards feeling better. This community is here for you, so please share more whenever you feel comfortable to.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

Hi Jtaime,

Welcome to the forums. I'd like to commend you on your courage for posting on the forums about your troubles. Your message will help reach out to others who may relate to your story, and helps make them feel that they are not alone.

I can resonate with your feelings of being the strong one. It is the sense of needing to be perfect in order to gain approval from another person. The sense of not showing any vulnerabilities to appear strong so others know we are someone dependable and competent. The problem with that is, the more we hide our vulnerabilities, the harder it becomes to maintain that composure. Eventually it'll become a really heavy burden to carry, that we'll one day burst/breakdown/crumble, and that is very detrimental to our mental health.

It's okay to allow yourself to be vulnerable to others. It's okay to tell others that you're not ok, to call out your boundaries that you cannot do it, to call it a day and say "I'm tired today, but I will try again tomorrow". Your needs are the most important to yourself, and we can only begin to be selfless and contributing back to the community when we're comfortable with our basic needs. Taking care of your basic needs first isn't a sign of selfish, rather it's a sign of self-love. We need as much self-love as we can in order to continue growing; to accept our weaknesses, and appreciate our strengths, know our wants and needs, while knowing what turns us off.

If I understood correctly, when you mentioned "there is no-one to be strong for anymore, I don't know how to carry on." Do you feel the need to prove yourself worthy to others? To gain the approval and acceptance of your identity, through another person's approval? And if you don't mind me asking, as I'd like to understand you more, what made you feel that you had to avoid people, and get panicky at the thought of bumping into someone? You don't have to answer any of the questions if you don't feel like it, but I'm happy to listen to you more if you'd like to share more :). You're not alone Jtaime!

Jt

I relate to what you're saying. As a woman from a dysfunctional family, where my role has been scapegoat, I feel I have to wear a mask to be accepted.

Currently I'm going through a hard time. I feel I can't maintain the strong personona anymore. Unfortunately there a few people in the family to be supportive & I have no friends. It's hard.

I'm sorry you feel frozen. From my understanding that may be a trauma reaction. You could speak to someone about it. Even if you start by seeing your doctor to talk about getting a mental health plan. Lifeline do the chat thing too. I found it helpful in a crisis.