First time poster here. Actually, I only signed up today so kinda thought I'd keep the ball rolling and jump into the deep end.
I'm really not sure what to say so I guess I'll just start with a quick run down...
4 years ago, I flew back home to new Zealand where I looked after my Nana who was sick with my mum. It was such a difficult time. Nana was in her 80's and always so independent. A member of the badminton club, knitting club, volunteering at hospice and now she has difficulty getting out of bed, walking, you know, just doing your normal everyday things. She was in and out of hospital, having daily home visits by nurses etc Mum and I were away from everything familiar back in Oz. After about 4 months, I had to fly back as my daughter was turning 18. It was bitter-sweet leaving but I couldn't miss my girls birthday.
After those months of sleepless nights, stress, feeling homesick, I let my hair down and celebrated my own birthday. I've always been the type who was never scared to be experimental, so this weekend was no different. Little did I know how much my life would change by making this choice. Amongst the cocktail of drugs I used, I tried meth. From that night on, I was hooked. As a result of that, my marriage suffered to the point that we separated after being together for 15 years. In the time we have been separated, my ex husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 colarectal cancer. The cancer hasn't responded to chemo and now it has metastasised and spread to most of his major organs and now reached his bones. We've been told by the specialist that he has 6-12 months if treated. The radiotherapy is pretty much to pro long his life and perhaps ease the pain a little. I'm not dealing well with this news. I've fallen off the wagon. I've tried giving up but I'm addicted. I don't have the tools I need to kick this habit. I have since had a baby who's 18 months old. He has given me focus, and a reason to live but I need help and I'm ready to ask for it.