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Topic: Not myself

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Valerie50
    Valerie50 avatar
    4 posts
    11 March 2019
    So where to begin......... I am in my early 50's. Had a great job, have a beautiful house, have a fantastic daughter and have fantastic friends. Only problem is that I have had to move away to remote North because of husband's job. He has always wanted to work up north and being the good wife, have come with him. It has been 3 months now. I have not found employment and to be honest, only really started looking in the last month. Applications are in! I miss my daughter terribly along with my home and friends and cooler climate. Moving to the heat with menopause.......what was I thinking!! So, maybe drinking a bit more than I should......and had a massive blow out with the hubby. Packed my bags, ready for divorce. next day, couldn't breathe, massive anxiety attack.........and apologised for my behaviour. We had a chat and thought it was a good idea I chatted with someone. So, Here I am. I haven't really met any one here and those that I have are much younger with young families so we really don't have any similar interests. I walk in the morning then tend to hibernate in the air conditioning for the rest of the day. Have a small dog for company during the day and hubby works long hours. Positives are that I'm with my husband of 26 years, in a fairly nice house (air conditioned) and am pretty healthy apart from that dreaded menopause hot flush and mood swings. Love cooking, but with just the 2 of us now, tend to scale back. Did the depression test, I am mild and yes have always had a bit of anxiety when things get yukky - only had two bad attacks that i remember. I think i am just bored and lonely!!
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Red Heart
    Red Heart avatar
    10 posts
    11 March 2019 in reply to Valerie50

    I’m not myself either. I’m 51 and feel overwhelmed and anxious and I worry. According to the test I have mild depression and anxiety. My Doc agrees.

    Am not full menopause yet, but the moods and depression every month are nasty!

    Married for 25 years in October and we’ve had our ups and downs, but still here.

    Am about to lose my job and a close friend who has PTSD has “walked away” again.

    Like you, my life is okay. I guess I’m not anymore. I was always the one lifting everyone else.

    Keep walking. I walk too. It does help.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    quirkywords avatar
    14701 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to Valerie50


    Welcome to the forum.

    You have had a lot of changes recently which can heard to cope with. Your husband sounds very understanding.

    I am about ten years older than you and I remember trying to work out who I was coping with the raging hormones and moodswings of menopause and a relationship break up .

    It is hard coping with lots of change in ones life and sometimes we need to go with the flow and know we are the same person and will get through this phase.

    Red Heart welcome to the forum and thanks for your helpful post.

    I like your idea of keep walking and keep having hope things will change for the better.

    You too are coping with many changes and we you have offered your support to

    Valerie . Realising we are not alone and helping others is how the forum works and why it is such a supportive place.


    2 people found this helpful
  4. Paw Prints
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Paw Prints avatar
    1843 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to Valerie50

    Hello Valerie50,

    Moving house is in the top 5 most stressful things, add to that missing family & friends, Darwin's climate, having to look for work & the dreaded menopause it's not surprising you don't feel yourself.

    I have moved away from family & friends, I keep in touch with facebook & phone calls, whilst it's not the same as being there it does work. I tend to share the everyday things with family on facebook, you could share pics of what you see on your walks, what hobbies you have, your garden, the local wildlife etc.

    As for meeting people your own age, have you thought about volunteering? If you have an interest or hobby you could try joining a club or group. You mention you love cooking, you could look for a charity that prepares meals for the needy, or perhaps one where you can teach basic cooking skills to the disadvantaged. You could join a gardening or cooking club. Living in Darwin you will have a range of local ingredients you may never have cooked with before, joining a club would enable to learn new thing as well as meet new people.

    Just a few thoughts that I hope you find useful.

    Paw Prints

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Valerie50
    Valerie50 avatar
    4 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to Red Heart

    Hi Red Heart,

    Thank you. Sounds awful, but good to know it not just me. I think we should have a vino together! I am married 26 years, also in October and grateful that my husband has put up with "grumpy" me. I worry a lot too, but mostly about my daughter. She is 21, good job, good partner, but I guess as a mother, worry doesn't go away even when they are "grown up". Really don't like being so far away from her. Losing a job and especially if you enjoyed it just sucks. I hope that you find an even better one! Sorry about your friend. Now you have a new one! I will keep walking and so will you.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Valerie50
    Valerie50 avatar
    4 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to Paw Prints

    Hi Paw Prints,

    Thank you for the tips. I am not in Darwin and might prefer Darwin to here. I have been there on a holiday. There are some groups here, but I have really never been one to join groups and tend to stick close to my "own" people which makes it difficult for me I know. There is not a lot around, but I may look into it.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Valerie50
    Valerie50 avatar
    4 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to quirkywords
    Thank you. I think this forum may just do the trick.
    1 person found this helpful
  8. White Rose
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    White Rose avatar
    6325 posts
    12 March 2019 in reply to Valerie50

    Dear Valerie and Red Heart

    A warm welcome to the forum to both of you. I hope you don't mind a joint reply but you have much in common.

    I emigrated from the UK to be with husband and I hated it for many years. We lived in central Qld where it was soooo hot. All I could think about was going home. Two daughters born here and then we moved to Brisbane where I had two sons. All my family and friends were in the UK and making new friends was difficult, mainly because the way of life was different. Eventually I settled down and became more accustomed to the heat and humidity.

    When I found a job I became much happier. I felt people could see me on my own and not as someone's wife. I had not realised how important it was for me. Having my children here was good because it made us a family and I was slowly able to feel Australian. Different circumstances to both of you ladies but I think the underlying feelings are the same. It is hard to be away from those people and places you love. Add to that a feeling of "ought to follow' the husband and it can have a huge impact on us.

    I concentrated on being a member of the local community especially in my children's activities. You know the sort, school, scouts, guides, dancing, hockey etc. I had a very busy life and found I was enjoying it. The children grew up and I am now a grandma (eight grandchildren). I felt my husband and I had drifted away from each other and so I left after 30 years. I live on my own and I am (usually) happy. Just at the moment I have the 'flu so not happy but I will recover.

    Sorry to make such a long winded story about myself. I think my satisfaction came from doing the best I could at the time, often in difficult circumstances. I have returned to the UK several times and realised I could never live there again. This is my home. I am retired from paid work but have several volunteer roles plus the personal interests I have found on my journey. Book club, meditation, going to uni part time and gaining a degree and developing an interest in gardening. When your heart and mind are engaged in something you love it is so much easier to live where you are. I wish I had realised this when I first started wandering around Australia with my husband.

    Hope this makes sense to you both.


    2 people found this helpful
  9. Red Heart
    Red Heart avatar
    10 posts
    19 June 2019 in reply to Valerie50

    Hi Valerie,

    How’s everything with you?

    I can’t help but worry. I worry about a fly crawling up the wall! Lol

    Walking does help me a lot! It’s my time out and let’s me think 🤔 freely without distractions.

    I walk in all weather. Has to be sideways rain for me not to. On frosty mornings I rug up! In Summer I like to walk early. This time of year I go a bit later to chase a bit of Sun ☀️

    I hate feeling down, and feel bloody guilty for it! Upbringing... pull my socks up etc.

    I like this site too. Good people here 🤗

  10. Red Heart
    Red Heart avatar
    10 posts
    19 June 2019 in reply to Red Heart

    Hey Valerie,

    If I get hot flushes I’m the night this time of year I step outside! I’m down South so cooking down is easy lol

    I have stood outside in subzero in just sleep shorts and a T! It worked!


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