Firstly, welcome to the forum and sharing your feelings.
One of the toughest parts of addiction, is asking for help and it’s great that you have identified this and want to help yourself.
One of the ways to receive that help is to reach out to key persons and forums such as BB who will just really listen and provide you with the support and guidance when you need it the most.
When you feel ready to share more please reach out to the forum/group. I have found them to be very open, honest and respectful where you will be able to share your inner thoughts and feelings in a safe environment and without judgement.
In the meantime stay safe and take care.