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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Will you be my friend?

Topic: Will you be my friend?

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. marjay
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    marjay avatar
    12 posts
    1 July 2015

    Have been wandering around this site for over a week now, getting lost in posts v threads and feeling totally inadequate as usual. I thought I was just too old and techno stupid to get the hang of it but I see a number of others are also a little confused. It really bothers me that a lot of voices are going to be lost in this crowd.

    Thanks to  Chris B and others who try to guide us through the maze; I think some of it is sinking in.

    My situation is this: I'm an older woman who thankfully lives in a farmhouse 10k's from the nearest ghost town and about an hour from the nearest regional "city". I share the house with a lovely man and 3 dogs. The man and one of the dogs work very long hard hours and come home very tired and I try to welcome them by creating sometimes good food, warmth, shelter and generally a stress free life. So it is a very quiet life for me and the other dogs, all of whom are feeling the adverse affects of ageing and overeating (food being our chief source of pleasure). Arthritis, depression/anxiety are also my companions ... 

    I get quite manic when I am at social functions - even going shopping has me prattling on about anything to anyone I can pin down! So embarrassing. No stop button. Other days I can't raise a smile/meet eyes/talk. No wonder people shy away from me. I would like to get involved in some volunteer work but fear I will hate myself even more. I am so NOT into Facebook etc, but  thought  some form of online chat could be the answer for me.  BB offers  a safe place ... whatever our individual circumstances, we are all somewhere along the same path of the same journey so there's a lot of understanding.

    My typing is slow, my internet connection as flawed as my head space, but I long to connect with others ... and I have so many long hours in a day  (my obsession with keeping a clean & tidy house died and gardening hurts). I could talk till the cows come home ... well, not many cows around here, more woolly wonders, and I love sheep ... have you ever watched the crazy antics of lambs? On even the darkest day they make me laugh until ...well ... let's just say some body parts aren't so strong anymore.

    So there it is. My door is open to all, the kettle is always on, come on in and make yourselves at home ... let's sit awhile and chat ... how are you today? Can I help you in anyway? Can you help me? Will you be my friend?

    I am Marjay (Manic, Anxious, Reclusive, Joyless, Alone, Yearning)

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    1 July 2015 in reply to marjay

    Hi marjay, a warm welcome here

    Well done in your computer skills. that was flawless.

    This site is not a direct friendship site. Yes, we make cyber friends when one of us has a problem with our mental health, but it isnt a place whereby you'd make a friend in the normal way. We are anonymous for a start :).  That last symbol means "smile"

    Nevertheless feel free to discuss any issue you like to help you along your way. Some of us have many posts here and daily we get on this site to comment to help others. Our experience of life and mental health issues mean our advice can be invaluable. I'm a great believer that one snippet of our advice can be a trigger to a greater more positive feeling of hope for posters here. When a sad soul is on their way to self doom or gloom they only need to be called out to for their head to turn around to see the paradise that can be there for them. To paint that world a paradise that it is through getting help is not hard if we have been through it ourselves.

    Lambs are great, kids (baby goats) even better. My wife and I live in the hills of the Victorian mountains and are frequently rescuing injured animals. Animals are wonderful.

    As you said you are of the "older" generation. It is indeed a great asset to have in these pages. All you need to do is once you select your chosen topic to read, at the top of the pages are "my posts" which are people responding to your thread (as I am now) and "new posts" which are new ones that you can read and comment on.

    Hope I've helped.   Tony WK

  3. marjay
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    marjay avatar
    12 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to white knight

    Thank you for replying WK.

    I have obviously used very poor communication skills.

    The title of my thread/message was intended to convey that I am a very lonely person which is exacerbated by my mental health status; that I would welcome anyone's input through communication.  I too have some experience of life and all its issues and would agree wholeheartedly when you say that sometimes the right connection with another, even if only briefly, can bring about the beginning of healing.

    Is that not friendship? 


    Not for a moment did I see this site as a "direct friendship" site (hence my referral to Facebook). I used the title and the last paragraph as a way of suggesting that we are all linked through similar issues but this was a safe, non-judgemental arena in which we could discuss our problems in a friendly manner. I cannot say how sorry I am that my message was too obscure.

    I deliberately posted my thread in Welcome/Orientation because it was just that .. a welcome to others, but also to acknowledge that anyone confused by the post/thread system is not alone. Perhaps it would be better if there were no threads under that heading, then people might go straight to one of the other topics and not feel, as I now do, totally inadequate in extending a hand to both give and receive help.

    It feels to me that I cannot even find a place here. 


  4. Chris B
    Community Manager
    • Works for beyondblue managing these forums. Not a mental health professional, but here to help. Email:
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Chris B avatar
    1757 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to marjay

    Hi marjay, thanks for this welcome thread. You definitely do have a place here, I know it can be incredibly daunting to make that first post, or start a thread. This section is here to help bridge the gap between joining up and getting involved in some of the other sections, so you've done the right thing.

    Sometimes we do get people coming onto the forums wanting to make personal offline contact with others, and for safety reasons we don't allow this. We like to let people know up front about this rule so they won't be disappointed, and Tony wouldn't have intended that part of his comment to be taken as a telling-off. 

    You make a really good point about what friendship is, in the Internet age the boundaries have shifted and the great thing about these forums is that we can develop connections with others, even if it is anonymous. It's common for us to have different friendships groups in different spaces of our lives that never meet each other - at work, at church, sports clubs - and online is just another one of those spaces.

    I look forward to hearing more from you soon.

  5. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9778 posts
    2 July 2015 in reply to Chris B

    Hi marjay

    Thankyou for your reply. I in no way was in my mind telling you off or angry at all. I'm sorry, really sorry that you read it that way. I was merely pointing out the "nature" of the site that it was not like a chat forum or similar.

    I've been active, really active on this site for 15 months. I have over 1700 posts. There will be the odd post we all make that is taken wrongly or worded wrongly. Thats life when we are not face to face. Its the modern cyber world and it has some negatives.

    I do hope you see this and perhaps read some of the posts here and get an overall feel of the site and its kind hearted wonderful contributors.

    We carry mental illness also. So we are not at times 100% at times ourselves and our struggles are not apparent.

    Chris expressed it better. We are here for each other and I'm reaching out to you and listening.

    Tony WK

  6. appoggiatura
    appoggiatura avatar
    4 posts
    19 September 2015
    Hey Marjay, if you're still around, I would like to be your friend! I just came back from New Zealand and the sheep there were so cute. :) I can understand why they bring you so much joy.
  7. Cherpieus
    Cherpieus avatar
    46 posts
    19 September 2015 in reply to marjay

    Hi Marjay,

    Loneliness is very hard to deal with. I have people around me most of the time - children, husband, work colleagues, other family, and yet I am extremely lonely.

    I've only just recently got my first pet - and I'm 42! I have two gorgeous dogs.

    I'd be happy to write and share when I can.


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