my first time writing all this out, and i'm new here - so hello and thank you for deciding to read this.

my anxiety had always been there, as it is for all people, but it wasn't until last year - being in the passenger seat of a car accident; brought a lot of past trauma back - into my life, that i obviously had repressed.

and i have not been the same since.

my brother died, i was eight.

then my dad died, i was seventeen.

and the car accident happened last year, and after that - my anxiety became to what it is today,

almost unbearable.

i have seeked support, and am currently undertaking EFT with my professional. she helps, but i thought that this may help me go further,

because lately - i have not been doing well at all,

mainly - because i'm not only anxious in general, but i am anxious, about being anxious.

whilst I can find my anxiety becoming over bearing as i'm constantly overthinking and analysing nerving situations i am in, or creating false narratives designed to cause myself pain, and stress brew in my mind.

i am in pain, i present myself as a casual, happy, fun individual who seems to be coping well on the outside,

but internally - i feel so much more, pain, sadness, grief.

i just am trying to better it all, and want relief - but it's very, very hard to find.

i just want clarity from all of this, and i want to move forward, but it's been a everyday thing for the past month or so, i thought this may be a good place to start,

thank you.

it was even just nice to write this all out.

hi dee.d!!

I don't have anxiety, and have not experienced any grief. but since you said that it was nice to just write everything down, I wanted to encourage you to continuing doing that. talking to people really does help.

I wish you the best of luck :)

Zoe

thank you zoe, and will do believe me.

i've been feeling better.

thank you again - your reply has made my day.

Hiya dee.d

What you're going through right now seems horrible and I hope you get better. I cant imagine how bad it would feel to be going through what you're going through.

Once again, I seriously hope you feel better soon.

- Alma

thank you alma,

very touching for your words, i really appreciate it.

i am about to post a reply to how i am doing currently.

thank you again.

keeping it basic,

i could go on and on and on, but i won’t.

things are good. supposedly.

but i,

i can’t scrap the feeling of ‘blah’ right now, i feel a little over worked and drained (started a new full time job),

so i’m very tired, and the anxiety seems to get a lot worse when you’re feeling run down.

but my heart feels heavy. i feel sad. i feel vulnerable and weak, sheltered, and mostly, i feel blah. just meh, just ugh, just motionless - but my mind, is going 100km per hour.

i just feel all that, and my head makes accusations to why is contributing to make myself feel this way,

leaning more toward the relationship i have with my girlfriend at the moment,

and with the little amount of friends i have,

i feel quite alone in this battle, and reject her compassion because i’m worried,

don’t tell her what’s going on, because i’m worried,

and then i’m worried about being worried, and showing her that i’m weak and worried and not feeling good enough and not having the affection when i need it and want it because i don’t want to be needy,

getting upset and draining my entire mood, potentially souring my date with her tonight because she’s said she doesn’t want too dance with me when we go out,

something that means a lot to me,

just feel blah about that, and blah about everything following, it hurts because yeah she has never liked that, but she’s hasn’t even given me a proper chance, just feel like she doesn’t have the same level of ‘that’ for me you know,

being on an equal balance of love, being able to look at you’re partner and feel yourself glow on the inside,

feel like she is much more reserved, and..

it makes it really hard for me, because i have really low self esteem currently - so just hearing stuff like that tonight,

and how how she’s going out tomorrow, probably will dance with other guys...

it just makes you feel blah.

i feel blah, and anxious and just like pure crap.

and that, boom yay - i have distressing thoughts about ‘death’, oh the glory.

i hate it, it happens, i don’t do anything to initiate it, it just happens when i’m anxious and i am over it.

i hate feeling blah.

felt great to get things off my chest, but for one i felt guilty talking i’ll of my relationship but i needed to get it out: