Hi, I’ve never written something like this before and it scares me but I really need to get this off my chest.
For the last few years, since I’ve started high school, I’ve begun feeling these weird waves of stress, sadness and especially loneliness. I have a lot of friends but I find myself feeling so lonely I sometimes feel sick in my stomach and my chest aches. I have a best friend who is like my sister, but I get stressed a lot that she will eventually leave me for someone better, and I often worry that she doesn’t like me anymore, although she reassures me that I’m being crazy. I often don’t want to tell her anything because I am worried about putting my problems on her, as I have done that in the past and I feel that it has taken a toll on her.
I am always feeling stressed and I worry about anything and everything. I can hardly put it into words but sometimes my chest feels tight and I can’t sit still as if I am about to start a test or that something bad is about to happen to me, even when there’s nothing to be stressed about. I get angry very easily, and I am worried that I will say something horrible while angry to my friends. I can be very aggressive, although I have never ever (and never will) be physical, I have yelled at my friends before. Sometimes I just feel so stressed that I snap and I find it hard to control my temper.
I have lots of wonderful friends and hobbies and a family I love, but I am feeling sad more and more as I get older. I get waves of sadness a lot and randomly start crying. People sometimes notice but I say that I’m just tired and although that is part of it I know that I am usually lying. I don’t use drugs or alcohol because I know that would make the problem worse for me, so instead I watch a lot of movies and write a lot to try and take my mind off everything at the moment.
I am turning sixteen in just a couple weeks, and i am starting to feel like my life is pointless. I have a great home life but I’m desperate to leave my city and even my country.
I feel like I need to start anew. I love my friends but I don’t feel like I fit in with most of them.
I know I should probably talk to someone about these issues but I’m just too terrified. I’ve never been diagnosed with anything and I’m scared to talk to someone in case I am. Plus they would be a stranger, and that just makes me more nervous.
I don’t know what to do anymore.