so this all started when school holidays finished I noticed my friends (let's call them X and Z ) had gotten more closer together like REALLY close and I felt like really left out and I had confronted it to them about it and X had said that Z was going through a hard time so that's why they go closer and I understood that so I let them be and stuff. I was having a hard time struggling with it all by myself so I told two friends and those two friends I trust a lot but I guess they confronted my two friends so now X and Z said that I was talking about them behind there back, which I was but I didn't technically talk about them I only talked about myself and how I felt that they are excluding me.so another girl comes along and let's just name her A, so she came along saying a lot of stuff as I used her, I spread rumours about her and a lot of other stuff. which I didn't do, yes I talked about her behind her back but I never spread rumours or did any of that. they team up together and they confronted about it, I understood everything they said and apologised anyway and they said apology doesn't fix anything ( i mean what was it created for then ). but I tried my hardest to apologise to them and I even stayed away from them and went with another group of friends ( but I feel like I'm getting in the way of that group's friendship and I feel like I'm annoying to them ) so after all that happened I became SOO different, I was colder, quieter, I wasn't like myself and I wanted my old self back. I had also found out that A had been telling everything that was happening to all the 'popular' girls of the grade and they are like REALLY toxic. 2 weeks ago I had also found out I have depression and I was already struggling to tell my mum. and since all this was happening I became so different and I want that part of me back. I have been crying myself to sleep countless nights because I'm so scared about what's gonna happen. X, Z and A had told me to apologise personally in front of them if I actually meant my apology to them and I'm too scared to but I have to go anyway. my brain is mentally exhausted and a couple of days ago in the shower, I had a panic attack and I had trouble seeing, I fell to the floor but I had no one to call out to since no one was home. I didn't wanna tell anyone cause they would probably think I'm overreacting or telling lies.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore, or how I should deal with my mental health, and telling my mum. please help.