Hi Emma. I’m your age too, and I understand the whole “there’s something wrong with me” and “I’m lost” thing. It’s kinda typical for our age tbh. But I have some advice for you. I have a friend called Carter who smoked weed all the time. And it changed him. He can be “skitzo” meaning anxious, oversensitive, bland in a way. Weed tends to do this. It’s a drug and when used frequently is very dangerous. It seems to me that you were trying to escape from reality. But if you want to reach our ultimate desire as human beings, which is enlightenment, you need to know yourself. And you say you don’t. Firstly, you can’t go back in time. But you can bring back your fun, loving, funny personality. Just be patient and understanding with yourself. I don’t like talking to Carter when he’s been smoking but he hasn’t for a while now. He’s starting to get his deep, passionate, on the ball persnality back. Weed makes you supposedly “chill” but takes it too far to the point where you can’t function properly. Stay away from it now. You’ve learnt your lesson. Escape in healthy ways. Meditate (it’s extremely healthy). This just means sitting on the beach, taking deep long breaths, feeling your tummy move up and down and clearing your mind. Write your feelings in a diary to clear your mind too, like releasing your problems off your shoulders and onto paper. And this is also very important: EAT HEALTHILY. An egg and nuts and veggies every day or something like that. Brain food. Work your brain, try hard in school, keep your doors open and set a goal for yourself. Without a goal, you have no purpose, and us humans need a purpose to not feel numb. Get a goal of getting good marks to being a spaceman for all I know. And reach for them. Believe in yourself, acknowledge 3 positives things every day and focus on them, because what you focus on grows. Then shoot for the stars, be a great person, achieve your dreams. Be a loyal friend, love, live, change the world, stand out, don’t follow the crowd, don’t be a sheep, be friendly, do something every day to take you out of your comfort zone. That’s how I made all my friends, because I forced myself to talk to people. At first I was awkward af, now I seem like I’m a bloody president (someone told me that haha). I can talk to anyone now and little shy me wouldn’t never have guessed I could achieve that. You are still you Emma, just not the best version of yourself. Don’t limit yourself with your mind. Hope that helped. Xx