Hi! I feel like such a mess, this isn't my first post on this forum this week! I have a lot to vent about right now, haha.
I'm 17. I have three brothers, 2 are in their 20s and one is a year younger than me. They all live at home. My oldest brother's girlfriend has been living with us for some time now, she basically moved in at the start of lockdown and has stayed ever since.
I love my family and I know they love me too, even if they struggle to understand my anxiety and depression. I think because I really love my family, I find it hard to admit that they haven't always been helpful towards my mental health issues. My parents work really hard and I don't ever want to come off as ungrateful. But I think how I feel about how they've contributed to my mental health journey is something I deserve to be honest about, and it's unrelated from how grateful I am for the good things they do.
I think the environment you're in really contributes to how you feel, and after years of struggling with anxiety + depression, I've began to think maybe the problem isn't me, maybe the problem is the environment I'm in and the people I'm surrounded with. I always think about escaping, like moving away to somewhere else or travelling. That kinda shows how unhappy I am at home.
It's hectic living with so many people. There's yelling because some people don't get along, there's SO MUCH mess and I can't get to sleep. At 12am on any given night, all of my brothers are awake and making some sort of noise- playing video games, chatting to friends, watching TV, playing music. No matter how much I tell them to keep it down, they don't. The mess in our kitchen and living room drives me crazy. I cleaned the kitchen last week and it's already a mess now. I don't want to clean up other people's mess because it's gross and I shouldn't have to. Our house looks like a dump, and it's why I stay in my room a lot because it's the cleanest room in the house. I've expressed how unhappy the mess makes me to my parents, but they still don't do anything. I know they work full time jobs but at this stage, it's just being lazy. Even they barely clean after themselves.
My little brother walks all over me and is so rude to everyone. No one (but my mum) encourages me to get better, they just put me down for being out of school. No one in my house is willing to change. I wish I could move out but it's just not possible for me, I'm sick of living this way though