Hi People of Beyond Blue

Im going to start with a little bit about me. 3 years ago i was in an abusive relationship both phys and ment, i have divorced parents, and sometimes really bad anxiety. I’ve been working for 3 years now and only became full-time about 1.5 years ago as a hairdressing apprentice. My first workplace was disastrous to say the least.

I am now at a fairly good salon, an hour drive from where i live. I am in a beautiful relationship with my Best Friend that i’ve been friends with since we were 11. I hate coming home as I just do not get along well with my Dad.

This may be confusing to read, but i’ve found in the last year or so I’ve been quite sad and my mental health playing up like nothing else. As bad as it sounds I feel like I was happier with my abusive boyfriend more than i am now with my best friend. My ex and I, putting aside the bad stuff, used to do everything together, and I mean everything. We used to have a good friend group and be a little rebellious at school. We used to listen to music on the weekends and vibe through life. My current partner just came out of year 12 and this year has been hard on us both.

I feel like i can’t get out of the “just be sad” mental state. it’s almost like i’m looking for things to go wrong and i don’t know why? My partner and i always said that once he’s done with school, things will get better. But it’s hard to know if it will. I feel crazy, one day i’ll be a mess and say things to mess us both up then for a split hour i’ll apologise and realise how crazy i’ve become. And that repeats over and over.

I used to be so happy and grateful for everything in life despite my abuse and anxiety. I used to have fun but now I feel like i’m missing out while i’m full time working and everyone i know is on break until they begin only part-time uni next year. I don’t know if i’m really ready to be working and i dont know if i should be back on medication for my anxiety, which can become dangerous for me as i get sad also. I don’t know how to re-train my brain to be the way i used to be, so happy and grateful. i want to give my partner the love and kindness that he gives to me but i just spiral out of control and go against myself. I want to move out, can’t. I’m a mess.

This probably makes no sense, it doesn’t flow, i’ve always been bad at that (English Class yikes) but if you do take your time to read this I love you for it and just wish for some second hand advice i suppose.

Thankyou, DreamCatcher17

Hi DreamCatcher17,

I have only ever been in one proper relationship which has recently ended (you can read the complexities surrounding it all in my other posts on this forum). Nevertheless, I do know what a loving and considerate relationship looks like - and it is something to be treasured.

It seems like the timing of everything may not be right. Obviously if your partner is studying, and you are working full time, the ability to do things together is limited. But I think the key takeaway should be - quality over quantity (certainly for the time being).

Your partner is, as you have said, your best friend. This is something that is truly hard to come by. But it is important to look out for yourself as an individual as well.

You have said that you have been doing full-time work for quite a while now, and that in itself can be exhausting, particularly when everyone seems to be balancing their time so well.

It may be time for a holiday, and even dedicate some time away with your partner. But also consider taking time out for yourself. Time away physically, can help clear the mind and help you reassess your current situation.

You asked about 'how to re-train your brain'. This may be something to do with your 'inner critic'. Perhaps with all the changes going on around you, you may be subconsciously comparing yourself to others and feel like you are not measuring up.

But you need to challenge that, because you are doing so well. For someone so young, you have done an apprenticeship and are working full time! So many people your age would love to be in that position. And the same goes for your relationship - to be in caring relationship is something wonderful.

It just seems like it is your anxiety getting the better of you, and you only need to try and counter those negative thoughts with positive ones. If you feel yourself saying 'I am not good enough', know that that is your anxiety talking and counter it with factual statements like 'No, I AM good enough because I have worked hard, done an apprenticeship and earned my job'.

I am dealing with similar self confidence issues as well, and do recommend speaking to a counselor or psychologist if you feel like you cannot sort through all these thoughts by yourself.

I am sending you the best of vibes.

Hi ConfusedNanxious,

Thankyou for your advice and reply. It makes me feel so special just knowing someone else has taken the time to read what i’m going through. I will try my best to put these things in place.

Thanks again, DreamCatcher17

Hi DreamCatcher17,

Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for joining us and sharing what's been going on with you. I think ConfusedNanxious has given you so much support already so I'm not sure how much I can add on to that.

I'm getting from your post that even though things are better now in the sense that you have a good workplace and a healthy relationship (so pleased to read that), theres still a part of you that misses your ex even though you know that it was an abusive place. I'm also getting that you're trying really hard to not be sad and to be happy and grateful like you were before.

I want to say something that might seem a bit ironic or weird, but I think that it's okay to be sad and to not try and be happy and grateful. Sometimes we need to be sad, or to give in to those hard feelings.

I think there's this huge rule that sadness is bad and we should always rewire our brain to be grateful, and while being grateful and happy is awesome, it's okay to feel crap too. Maybe feeling like crap and allowing yourself to feel that way might be just what you need ? I'm not sure if this helps or resonates with you, but there's my second hand advice haha

rt

Hey rt

thankyou you’re advice is just as helpful. Sometimes i do think this, yet i feel like the sadness gets dragged on and on, but i suppose it helps us appreciate the better things in life just that little bit more.

Thanks again <3 ,

DreamCatcher17