What do I feel like ? Sad ? Lost ? Lazy? Confused, frustrated, angry, annoyed , disappointed, secure ? Loved ?? Left out ? Betrayed yet nothing has been done. Childish throwing a little tantrum. Pissed off because life isn't great yet I'm living comfortably. Hi I'm A-non, im a 21 ex apprentice metal fabricator (NO I WILL NOT TOUCH A TRADE) who lost his job a year ago, spent the next 8 months after that hiding myself in the comfort of myself pity sadness and depression while building bad dissasociative behaviour and then rebuilding my self confidence over that same period just to get a job. Lost it, but now I'm confident enough to normally act like me and go into public which i was scared of doing for 6 months. Had a neverous break down with close family at friends at my 21st (yaaayy what an amazing 21st, no I didn't have a party, my family and friends came last minute to try cheer me up aha.....) that was kinda a turning point for me but yet even so this year felt so shit I still feel like life has so much more worse in stored for me and I don't know if I'm ready for any of it ( NO one isn't) I'm an emotional person at heart when I say I care I do and when I say I don't care I still care, especially with people I dare call friends. I may not be the best person myself but, I sure do try a lot harder then most I know I have tried harder than most, I'm pretty realistic and consistently talking to myself and worrying about the things I do, but I've gotten to a point where now I'm just shallow, empty, transparent and unmotivated, you could pretty much say that when you need me that's not me. I'm sad and I want it to stop so can I just stop it?? Thanks for reading this guys, none of this Makes sense but it's better than letting my friends and family how I'm really going because they frustrate me and make me happy but in the end I'm really just Exghausted with life and I'm only 21.

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. Your story makes sense to me - a person who lost their job, panic attack, and is now struggling with life. I might have summarised what happened to much but I can read the pain in your post. Perhaps compounded because you feel you cannot talk to anyone what you are going through. Have you thought about going to see a GP and telling them how you feel? Or perhaps getting professional help? Or talking to someone at lifeline? There are many things you can do that will put on the path to recovery. Can talk about that later. Right now have a look at the thread titled

Three things to be thankful for today

When I started to see my psychologist the first thing I was to do was install an app called virtual hope box.

I am happy you came here today. Not because of what is happening to you, but you found the courage and strength to post. The start of a new journey. I am interested in your story.

Tim

A warm welcome to you A-non

What you write definitely makes a lot of sense. Three things you mention, in particular, caught my eye

1. You're an emotional person who cares. There are both pros and cons to being sensitive. Having lived both inside and outside of depression, I relate the pros and cons to highs and lows
2. You try a lot harder than most. This is a very significant point which I'll touch on
3. You're exhausted, something I'll also touch on

If you look at stressful situations you've faced over the years, would you say you rose to a challenge many times in some way? Of course, you even rose to your latest challenge 'Should I post on Beyond Blue?' And here you are, having accepted it. It's definitely easier to feel the pain in a depression than it is to acknowledge how we're rising up through it. Every time we rise to a challenge, we are headed up on the way out of the low. Basically, we are raising our self, with or without help from others. It's weird to think we are actually raising our self and we don't even realise until such an epiphany hits.

I believe it's incredibly hard to raise our self without a number of key skill sets. Because certain skill sets are typically not taught to us by our parents, we can be left feeling exhausted. Once we exhaust all we have been taught and there's nothing left to help us figure life out from here on in...well, we've become exhausted. There's nothing left in our box of tricks in order to tackle the bigger issues. One would have to admit that what we're told as young people, in the way of managing challenge, just doesn't cut it: 'Just pull your socks up and get on with things', 'Stop analysing everything', 'You're too sensitive. Toughen up' and so on. Personally, my life is skillful because I analyse things that need solutions and I'm very sensitive, which gives me the ability to easily read the people around me and the situations I face. Being sensitive, when mastered, is where that flow is, when folk talk about going with the flow.

Revising those 3 early points

1. You are deeply thoughtful and sensitive (skills to be mastered)
2. You are obviously trying hard to raise your self. Intentionally look for simple basic challenges, meet them with the goal of raising yourself consciously so you can get a high out of each one
3. Research new strategies for life. If something in particular comes to mind, give consideration to this. Trust your instincts and perhaps even make this your passion

Keep on rising :)