I feel like I'm a complete mess right now and have no direction of where to go in the future. I'm currently 18 years old and graduated High School last year, however, I do not currently attend Uni - due to reasons I will discuss later. Most days, I'm sat around at home doing basically nothing, staring at a phone or computer screen all day. I work 4-5 days a week however and have a steady income, as well as occasionally going out with friends or family maybe once or twice a week. Apart from this, I feel as if I have no social life due to not attending Uni the year after graduating High School.
High School was a huge mess for me. I really wanted to succeed in life and my studies, but nowadays I feel so clueless and indecisive of what I want to do. I'd say I was genuinely a smart person and still am, however, I never used this to my full advantage. From years 7-10, I was pretty much scoring A's all around, up until mid-year 11. I was suffering from a loss of a family member who had really influenced me a lot throughout my life and was always there for me. From then on, I struggled a lot with grief and everything just skyrocketed down. I started failing all my classes and although each and everyone one of my teachers were deeply worried about how I was going, I myself chose not to open up to any of them. This led to me basically failing all throughout year 11 and 12, which is considered to be the most important schooling years. Mid-year 12, I started seeing my school guidance counsellor, but obviously it was too late for this and although they were of great help, it practically got me nowhere. I was heavily lacking in motivation and confidence, leading to what I'd classify as a very low ATAR score. Each and every one of my preferences required a somewhat high score - I wanted to succeed into scientific/medical field in my younger years.
As of now, I live with my father and my older brother. Both of them think that I've started Uni and attend regularly (don't have time to check up on me due to their own lives, work, etc.), but all I do is just lay at home and work. I feel like my life is just going to keep repeating itself regularly. I'm planning to start mid-year but I feel as if I still have little to no motivation and confidence in myself to pursue into a course and actually do well. I'm scared to tell both my father and brother as I don't want to disappoint them even more, although they know how much stress I was going through in the last few years.