Supporting someone with their mental health can become overwhelming and increase the stress on your own mental wellbeing.
You want to stay strong and reliable for the person you’re supporting, but also for yourself. Remember that help is available, and you are not alone.
A simple, easy way to keep track of your wellbeing while you’re supporting someone else is to use our PACE: Daily wellbeing app.
It helps you plan and do the things that you know help your mental wellbeing, and discover some new ways as well. And it’s completely free.
there's a name for the difficulties you have both been facing
there's a reason for the behaviour
help is available
"Where to from here?"
"What next?"
"Is this only the beginning?"
Many support people say that once a mental health condition is diagnosed, their feelings of love and protection for the person increase.
Sometimes supporters also feel a sense of helplessness because they can’t control or improve the situation.
Many people have also described experiencing anticipatory grief. This is a feeling of loss and sadness at what might have been. It can be a fear that someone may never reach their full potential or fulfill their hopes and dreams, or that the relationship may never return to what it was.
fear
confusion
guilt and shame
uncertainty
insecurity
anger and irritability
grief.
Your reactions reflect how you feel. They shouldn’t be questioned or judged by other people who aren’t walking in your shoes. Everyone’s experience is unique, though there are many feelings and experiences that carers have in common.
Try to accept that how you’re feeing is normal and be kind to yourself.
Many support people are hard on themselves. Remember this is not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.
You may worry that you’re not doing enough or that the person’s mental health problems are your fault. You might think:
'It's genetics'
'It's my parenting'
'I haven't been a good friend or partner'
Try to talk to yourself more positively. Remind yourself that you:
are doing the best you can
don't need to have all the answers
didn't make the person unwell or cause their mental health condition
want what's best for the person, even on the days when you feel frustrated
The consuming nature of supporting someone with anxiety, depression or suicidal feelings can increase your risk of developing a mental health condition yourself.
If you feel like something isn’t quite right, our anxiety and depression test (K10) is a good place to start.
Hope can be drawn from small achievements, such as when the person you support:
attends a doctor's appointment
gets out of bed
hugs you or gives you a smile
Demands on your time and energy can lead to increased stress. To minimise your stress levels, try to:
take regular breaks - do something you enjoy like seeing a friend or going for a walk outdoors
set boundaries - what support can you provide and for how long?
ask other people to give support as well - many will welcome the opportunity to be useful
reduce the support you provide elsewhere, even if this is temporary. Be prepared to say no to new requests.
find flexibility at work - if you’re in paid work, consider speaking with your employer about what’s happening and what may assist at work, such as flexible hours.
For more information about negotiating flexibility at work visit Flexible work arrangements – Fair Work Ombudsman or learn more about work and mental health
So much of your role as a supporter is about supporting the person with the mental health condition. You’ve helped them get professional support, start treatment and stay on track.
Your thoughts, conversations, lifestyle, worries, lack of sleep, frustrations, efforts and energy have mainly been directed towards the person you support.
It’s important to make sure you’ve got the right support as well.
what you're thinking and how you're feeling
whether you're experiencing more frequent headaches or tightness in your muscles
lack of sleep and poor concentration
Many people prefer to maintain their privacy and keep to themselves when dealing with mental health conditions. It’s important that this doesn’t prevent you seeking support for yourself.
There is only so much you can do for other people if you’re not physically and mentally well yourself.
counselling - some support people have found individual counselling to be helpful because it gives them time to debrief, uninterrupted. They see it as constructive and a safe place to voice all of their worries, fears, grievances and frustrations. You may prefer to talk to a professional 1-to-1.
Jake, Beyond Blue speaker
It’s easy to overlook your own needs but it’s important to make time for yourself as well. Set boundaries with the person you’re supporting and make time to continue the activities you enjoy.
Look for ways to include your own activities within your usual routine. Remember to look for fun and to laugh. Stay in the moment – notice the times when you are enjoying things.
Spend time with people you like to be with.
Get involved in activities that you feel are worthwhile and in which you feel valued.
Reduce consumption of alcohol and other drugs.
Living with and supporting someone with a mental health condition can affect your relationships with others.
The response you get from friends and family members may be surprising or hurtful. This may be because they don’t understand anxiety or depression, what it means, or what you may be going through.
Routines you once had in your home gradually change, often without you recognising it. You might have stopped seeing friends or inviting people over.
Make time to keep seeing friends and family. Consider talking about what’s happening and educating them about what anxiety, depression and suicidal feelings are. We have resources to help you explain what’s going on.
Resources to help you open up conversations around mental health:
Support someone to see a mental health professional - find out how to get started, what to expect and how you can be involved.
As an organisation that supports people from across Australia, Beyond Blue acknowledges the Traditional Owners and Custodians of Country and their continuing connection to land, waters and community. We pay respect to Elders past and present.
First Nations Peoples are advised that this website may include reference to and images of deceased persons.
Beyond Blue is committed to safe inclusive spaces, policies and services for people of LGBTIQ+ communities and their families.
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