I thought I had a really normal upbringing and it wasn't until I was much older that I realised that my household was very different my upbringing was punctuated with um domestic violence.
I probably recognised my depression in my late teens.
There was something so dark inside of me just absolutely wanting to take over.
Alternating between feeling so anxious and panicked and you know just not knowing what to do with yourself and I thought about suicide often.
A low point - and a turning point at the same time - was when I lost my best friend Nicola to suicide.
Through my suicide attempt, she pulled me through and I couldn't do the same for her.
My experiences shape everything I do for my kids that's really really important because you know kids with disabilities and kids on the autism spectrum are 40 to 50 times more likely to suffer from mental health conditions. I bring them up in an environment where it's okay to talk about this stuff it's okay to have an array of different feelings, because I don't want them to ever feel the shame that I felt.
The first person I really sought help from was my GP and she was amazing.
I now know that the way I process things, is to talk.
I'll try and get outside and I do a couple of minutes what can you smell, what can you hear, what can you see.
It doesn't have to be exercising, it can be anything. It can be a book, it can be a craft, it can be yoga, pilates. It doesn't matter, just find something that you find that joy and that freedom in.
And my kids are really good at unconsciously knowing when things aren't quite right but they're also quite good at understanding.
It's okay to be you. You don't have to please everybody. If you can't be content with who you are you're not going to be able to help anyone else.
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