Two years ago I was diagnosed with major depression and "quiet" BPD (and more). I have been on medication for over 2 years as well as times in psychiatric facilities.

I have a loving wife who has supported me amazingly despite also battling with depression of her own.

I am still employed, but some days I find it hard to work more than a couple of hours.

I still have daily thoughts for harm. What I have learned over the past 2 years keeps me from acting on such thoughts (DBT, mindfulness, daily exercise and more).

I also am suffering anhedonia (lack of ability to feel pleasure, part of the depression). Its hard to do nice things for myself when I don't feel worthy and I get essentially no good feelings from them.

Does it ever get any easier?

I want to want to live for me.

I live for my family. I live to provide. I just don't feel like I live for me.

alasdayr

Hello Alasdayr, it's not easy to tell someone who is suffering and may have been for a long time, that it will get easier because how could they believe you, but I suppose it's trusting people who have been in exactly the same position themselves, who once thought like you.

Finding pleasure while feeling this way can still happen, but it depends on the circumstances, who you may be with and the reason why.

As you have been in 'psychiatric facilities' which I'm sorry you have there are a couple of questions I'd like to ask, and please only answer if you want to,

-are you and your wife still getting the help you need

-can your doctor give your work a letter saying you need time off or is this what you want.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

Geoff, thank you for the reply.

In answer to your questions:

- Yes, my wife and I are getting the help that we need, we both separately regularly see psychologists, but progress is slow.

- My work has been amazingly understanding and gives me time when I needed time.

Some days are better than others. On bad days I loathe myself and it takes all my strength to stay well. It is a challenge to get out of bed. I often sleep more than 12 hours a day. Daily exercise (walking) and basic self care take a lot of energy.

I am working hard to get better but it seems like such a long road.

I refuse to give up trying. Just wanting to know that I am not alone with this type of struggle.

alasdayr