Hi all

I am on my phone so apologies if this doesn't read well. I am typing this while trying not to raise the suspicion of my wife who is becoming extremely paranoid.

She has never had mental health issues before but over the past month she has been getting increasingly delusional and paranoid. At this stage she is unable to relax and spends all day wrapped up in various causes of concern, none of which have any proof.

This began with falsely accusing me of infidelity, but has gotten worse. To be specific, at this stage:

- she thinks her phone has been hacked and is being monitored

- she thinks hidden cameras are filming her

- she thinks I've been communicating "private information" about our lives with others, and that it's gone viral on the internet

This is getting worse. I took her to the GP who asked for a blood test to rule out any dietary causes (she hasn't been eating much). I am convinced this is something much more sinister and that she needs to be medicated immediately.

We got the blood test and need to follow up with the GP, but he's not available again until next week. Am i just stressing out wanting to move fast on this or is my intuition valid? Can we afford to wait until Monday to have the doctor look at her blood test?

I have no idea what to do and the longer this goes on i am scared of her getting worse.

Hey AvailableDisplayname,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue community, it's great to have you join us here.

We're so sorry to hear about what you and your wife are going through. This sounds like a very stressful situation to be managing. Does your wife recognise her change of behaviour and possible paranoia? Are these concerns you've been able to raise with your wife or with the GP? It's very proactive of you to reach out here for support and we really hope our community can provide some advice and assurance. 

We'd encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.


 

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Wellcome to our forums!

Sorry your wife is going through this.

I understand mental health I suffered severe anxiety OCD…. It was a very distressing condition to go through, I’ve now recovered thanks to health professionals.

Id recommend you take your wife ASAP to a clinical phycologist or psychiatrist especially if this condition is causing her distress , these health professionals can diagnose and prescribe medication if needed.

Im here to chat

Thanks so much for the fast replies - i feel like I'm at my wits end.

She doesn't recognise this as odd and has spent the last few hours looking for links and patterns in things people have said. I can't get her to tune out and stop this as she is starting to find these patterns in anything she hears.

I want the gp to refer out to a psychiatrist and prescribe something but am worried about the delay in his availability. Could a delay lead to something more severe?

Dear AvailableDisplayname~

You can only do what you can. If your GP is available next week I guess that is how you might have to go.

There are some alternatives. The obvious one if things deteriorate would be take her to your local hospital if she would go with you.

If you found she or someone else was in danger you should ring emergency services on 000.

In addition many states have a CATT team for if a person cannot look after themselves, I've found it can be a better way to go. This government website will tell you what is available in your location

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/crisis-management

Mind you the situation has to be pretty serious to take such action.

I would suggest if your wife convinces herself of something not to argue, just try to keep her out of harm's way.

Do you have anyone to be there with you and and support you, family or a friend perhaps? It can make a big difference.

I don't think anyone here could directly answer your question about if delay is harmful, in fact I'd be pretty sure many doctors might not be able to eihter, everyone is different.

As Sophie_M mentioned our 24/7 24/7 Help Line on 1300 22 4636 is available if you want to talk with someone.

Please let us know how you go

Croix

Thanks Croix.

I think you're right in that we just need to wait on the GP. I think I have been trying to 'fix' the problem and not having an immediate path of course is hard.

She is more and more adamant that divorce is necessary due to all these things she's convinced that I've done. In quiet moments in the toilet/shower i think I've wept more than i have in the last two decades.

I will try continue to stay calm and not argue with her but it's so hard when we're together all day and she brings this stuff up constantly.

Fortunately no signs of danger or violence. It will just be a tough few days ahead.

Dear AvailableDisplayname~

Well, now at least you have a few options if you need them.

You are right, trying to fix things is simply not appropriate at the moment.

I'm thinking of one matter I was involved in where treatment for something that sounds a bit similar to your wife had a very marked effect and things were much different after.

I'm no doctor so could not say anything much except sometimes things can change for the better faster than you thought possible. I hope it happens for you

Croix

You have no idea how much it means to me for you to say that. Thank you so much.

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

So sorry yourself and your wife are going through this…..

I know it must be so hard for you to listen to what your wife is saying…. It must be difficult……

When I was in the grips of OCD my loved ones felt helpless to what I was saying and going through……. I knew my thoughts were irrational and definitely sounded irrational to my loved ones but they felt very real…..

Im now fully recovered thanks to the help of health professionals..

If your gp is unavailable can you have a message sent to the doctor telling the doctor it’s urgent that the doctor sees your wife or can you see a different gp?

You can only support your wife and I can see you are already doing this….

hang in there, I’m here to chat

Hey petal22, thanks for the reply.

I am trying to get the GP to see her today, but if I book it myself she will think I'm up to no good. For now i am trying to get the clinic to contact her.

She is currently planning our divorce on account of all of this. She is convinced I'm broadcasting our lives on the internet with hidden cameras and doesn't believe anything I say.

I have been with her for 10 years and this is tearing my heart and soul to pieces.

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Im so sorry yourself and your wife are going through this it must be so difficult……. I can understand the pain you feel ….

Can you say to your wife that her gp has called and wants her to go in for results?

I think it would be a good idea to have your wife seen today..

Please let me know how you go..

Here to chat

Hello AvailableDisplayname

I have just come across your post and I firstly wanted to say how wonderful it is that you have reached out for some support at a time that I can only imagine how emotional and worrying this is for you and also for your wife.

I think it is a wonderful idea to get your wife to see the GP however my opinion is honesty, it is only my opinion and I am no professional but I feel like if you sell her a false story of why she is to go to see her GP then when she is there she realizes that is not the case I would be concerned that her reaction would be to be very angry and also it may fuel her original thoughts that there is a conspiracy, this act, whilst with every good intention on your behalf may make her feel worse.

If you are able to secure an appointment today or even tomorrow I would be inclined to tell her:

• You have called her GP
• You are very concerned about the situations/scenarios that she is claiming that are true
• You have tried to reassure her that they are not true and would like her to discuss this further with her GP
• You are being open and honest with her to show her full transparency

There also seems to be little you can do to convince her that you are not doing these behaviours so I think trying to do so may only make it worse for you and for her too. Maybe a different approach of asking her how you can reassure her you are not doing these things, maybe leaving your phone on the kitchen bench so she can see you have nothing to hide. Ask her if there is something specific that she has expereinced to led her to believe this.

I am not sure this is something you can "fix" so trying not to might prove to be very helpful to you both.

Also maybe sitting with her and asking her what she needs from you right now to support her might also be good words for her to hear and if she knows it would be helpful for you to hear too.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds absolutely heartbreaking.

We are here for you and there are the amazing support people too on the 1300 22 4636 number if you need to chat and to get some support.

So glad you have reached out and we are here for you.

Hugs

Sarah

Thanks to everyone who has replied. Being able to sound this out is helping a lot.

I emailed the clinic and let them know what's happening, the gp has made himself available this afternoon and i got the clinic to call her to say the doctor wanted to talk. She is happy to go in.

However, at this stage i am mentally preparing myself for divorce. She has spent all day so far planning this out, despite no fluctuations in mood she is still 100% certain that i have been filming her and she cannot be talked down from divorce being necessary.

I spent an hour or so weeping on the floor in the second bedroom (where i am sleeping at the moment) earlier but also realise i need to prepare mentally that this outcome is quite possible.

Her parents live overseas (she's not from Australia originally), i have been in touch with them about this and if the shit really hits the fan i will at least ensure she returns to their care and doesn't venture out into the world on her own.

I think she will find that acceptable. Wish me luck tonight everyone. I hope the gp can get us on track. If not, it could get very hard. I feel lik I'm staring off the edge of a cliff.

Thank you again for your support.

Great to hear back from you ADN

I can hear some really positive things in your post and I am so pleased to hear that she is willing to accept the appointment today with the GP, that is fantastic.

I wanted to suggest something to you though and that is to try not to get onto the "train" in your head. Try not to respond to the things she is suggesting like the divorce as it may not be reality once she gets some help. It may also be reality but please try not to role play this scenario out until you have the facts. At the moment she is in some need of some care and so what she is suggesting may possibly not be a concern later. I know that is really hard as the thought of your marriage ending is heartbreaking but please try to work with what the facts are and that is at this moment she needs some help.

Also the other thing is that please prepare for a little bit of a journey and that everything may not be solved today. I could be wrong as this is just my opinion but I would not like for you to put all your hope into this appointment to find that if she is still feeling like this tonight it has all been a failure, that is not the case. Just as it has taken her some time to get to this point it may take some time to heal too. Once again, not helpful I know and pretty hard to hear but I would not like you to think that it all will be solved today, it may, it also may not.

I am so pleased to hear that sharing here has made you feel somewhat better, that is great, keep doing that and reaching out and maybe even think of a GP appointment for yourself, to get some support for you too.

All the best for tonight and try not to fix, just to listen and also consider that this may take time.

Here with you

Sarah

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Im glad our forums have helped you 😊

I understand this would be really difficult for you.

I wish you all the luck in the world that the health professionals you are seeing will be able to help yourself and your wife.

Please let us know how things go if you can…

Hang in there

I’m here to chat

Thanks Sarah you're right. Rock solid advice. Much appreciated.

So a bit of an update out of respect for everyone who took the time to help me.

We saw the gp on Friday and he was very helpful. It helped that he knows her language and culture (pure coincidence) which helped put her at ease. And the word 'schizophrenia' did bring her back to earth slightly. She has been prescribed a low dose antipsychotic for 6 months.

The more extreme symptoms have stopped, she's not worried about being recorded anymore. Still very wary of me, and asking herself a lot of questions about our marriage, but i am trying to focus on the positive steps we've taken here so far.

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Thank you so much for letting us know..

Im so glad you saw a gp who was helpful….. That’s amazing that the gp new your wife’s language and culture 🙏

Will your wife be seeing a psychiatrist for a diagnosis? If it is schizophrenia I’m sure a psychiatrist can help…..

Im so glad the medication has helped your wife……

I really hope that things keep improving for yourself and your wife….

We are always here as a community to support you AvailableDisplayname.. I’m glad we have helped you and your wife in some way…..😊

Always here to chat

Thank you so very much for coming back to let us know how the appointment went for your wife.

That is such great news that the doctor was able to connect with her and to understand her cultural needs and to be able to gain her trust. I thin that is such an important thing as with out this his words may have fallen short and she may not have been as open to getting the most out of the appointment. I hope that the medication can help her through this time and to give her some relief too from the pain and the thoughts she has been having.

That is wonderful that you can focus on the positives as this is not an overnight fix here and to be able to stand beside her and to support her is wonderful, please take care of you too and reach out if you need some extra support too, this is a very tough time for you both.

Well done on the progress you have made so far and I look forward to hearing more from you if you would like to chat.

Hugs

Sarah

Hi everyone, it's been a few months now. I wanted to come back and post an update for anyone googling "wife psychosis" and its many variants in an attempt to find peoples' stories and anything else that might be helpful. I also feel I "owe it" to those who helped me when I came here hat in hand, coming once with a question and no follow up seems a bit rude :)

I will check this thread periodically, so if anyone in need stumbles upon it and wants to ask me anything, sign up and ask away. Would also love it if anyone more experienced had any tips or general comments for me.

I'll talk about meds first, then the condition and life generally. Probably over a couple of posts, this may be long :)

There have been ups and downs, and I've come to accept that the next year or more is going to be very challenging. Medication was a real turning point. She was prescribed a low dose back in September. My understanding of an initial GP prescription is low dose + common medication first, to test for negative side effects, then adjust the dose as needed. One of our real blessings here is that she responded very well to the test dose, well enough that we decided against increasing it. She decided to stop taking it once, but that only lasted a couple of days before she started taking it again. This was fairly early on, when her condition was more unpredictable. About a month after that, she genuinely forgot to take it one night. Aside from these two instances, she's been taking the same dose once a night since September.

Medication has taken the severity away from her condition and helped her to sleep consistently, but has also affected her personality. She dosen't appear to feel joy and is very, very calm - almost TOO calm. One interesting thing - the night she forgot to take it, what looked like some paranoia came back the next day - but so did her 'personality' if that makes sense. We had a small argument over something silly, and after I pointed out how silly it was, she remembered she forgot to take it the night before. This level of self awareness was a big turning point in my opinion and a sign that she was starting to see this as a 'condition' rather than 'something that is happening to me'.

More to follow...

 

So I am very happy with the treatment she's had. Life generally is not as clear cut right now. She is no longer going through the extreme ups and downs of psychosis anymore - not having random delusions and paranoid thoughts, not seeing hidden messages in everything. When I think about now in comparison to a few months ago it really is night and day. The problem now is the lingering belief that I filmed and broadcast her daily life on the internet. This became a really entrenched belief around 5 months ago, and although she's come leaps and bounds since then, it's still something she's grappling with.

We and her parents agreed that it would be good for her to spend some time living with them. They live overseas, so this was not an easy decision to make. She went in November and has been resting at their place ever since. They're aware of what she's been through as I got them involved fairly early on in the ordeal. I've been calling her where possible and her recovery has been much faster there. She's noticeably better.

This is where it's difficult at the moment. Because of improvement, she's keen to remain there long term. That will mean continuing treatment there but also settling into a job, social routine etc. I know all of this will benefit her, but it is simply impossible to tell when I'll be able to see her next. It is also hard to gauge whether she wants to see/talk to me much at all - she has become a lot quieter and much less communicative. Does she still think I'm trying to harm her? Does she still think I'm evil? I simply don't know. Without being there to help and unable to know for sure what her thoughts are is very difficult.

She will be consulting a specialist with her parents this month, so hopefully further treatment and establishment of a more 'normal' life will be a good next step.

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Thank you for sharing and updating. Your post sounds like it's a mixture of news. Positive as your wife's health has improved a lot, and worrying as she lives in another country and is planning to stay there for some time. It's no surprise you are worried and you have quite a few unanswered questions that nag you. How would you feel about asking her those questions and hopefully getting some clarity?

Hey Learn to Fly

I can't say it's a total shock - we've discussed moving there before - it's just the timing that is surprising.

Right now I don't think she's ready for that kind of conversation. If I engage her in conversation about regular things, daily life, things that are happening or going to happen, she is her old self. It's when I bring up her condition and what happened last year that she clams up a bit. She wants to move on from it and doesn't seem ready to plumb the depths.

My gut tells me she doesn't think she's still being filmed, but thinks at one point she was and that I was the one doing it to her. Only time will tell.

Hi AvailableDisplayname,

Thank you for your response. Usually that “guts feeling” is what gives us the best direction. Besides, sometimes there are no other cues available and just as you said it yourself there is not much to be done but wait and see what happens. Especially in this case when it’s your wife’s decisions/actions/choices that matter.
I hope that her getting better will bring you some consolation. I think you are already trying to be for her whenever she needs it , though, I am sure the distance doesn’t help.