I appreciate getting a females insight into some of the things I have said as I do not have many female voices in my life that I can talk to about things, I have grown up in a male dominated environment
I have, to use your label, grown up around a lot of “macho men” within my friends groups and as I would say I am the more placid character within the group it does create this sense of pressure that I need to be more like them in order for me to find someone or attract someone as I seem to be falling at the same hurdle all the time.
I am a deep thinker, which can be to my detriment, so I really analyse if I am doing something wrong and there have been times where I can pinpoint things like maybe relaxing my intensity can help and I have been working on this.
I think now I would really like to find a proper connection with someone that I have never had so far in my life, I also start thinking sometimes is it concerning that at 25 I’ve never had a relationship or really been close. Whilst I’ve dated it has never eventuated past a 3rd date for example and I don’t know if women see this as a potential red flag as the honest answer is it just doesn’t seem to happen at the time.
I also have grown up in a very traditional family whereby you get an education, get a job, find a partner and have a family and it’s all very sequential. Whilst my parents have changed their tune and suggest there is no pressure on me to find someone until it’s right I feel this incredible weight on my shoulders as I know they expect this and they say things or compare me to others within the family that have partners that make it clear.
In the current climate also online is really the main source of trying to meet someone and not just a partner but even friends and I feel so quickly judged and this comes back to the whole “boring” thing I have mentioned. I look at myself on paper and think I’m really not that much tbh I just work, study, exercise and then maybe go out for dinner every now and then so how can I come across attractive when I just seem really normal tbh.
I have looked into ways to join certain classes for example to broaden my circles but I get crippling anxiety to do this
it just feels as though since I turned 25 I’m driving through a fog and I can’t see where it’s going to clear, my mind races from one thing to the next and I get down and exhausted
Also, I really like the way you write and examples they use it makes a lot of good sense to me so thank you!