Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Depression / Help. I don’t know who I am supposed to be and feel lost

Topic: Help. I don’t know who I am supposed to be and feel lost

  1. NaturallyNatural I
    NaturallyNatural I  avatar
    3 posts
    2 March 2022 in reply to NaturallyNatural I

    Sorry I made a mistake in what I was trying to convey:

    "but I find that wanting to feel/think a certain way that is not directly 'what you are' experiencing in this moment can lead to more intense suffering."

  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    3 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I can relate to what NaturallyNatural I is saying about sitting with certain feelings, for feelings are very telling. Resisting is like suppressing feelings that are trying to tell you something. 'If I push them down, I'll be much better' doesn't work. Such feelings, if they do happen to go away, come back and for good reason. Basically, the thing that is trying to tell us something will not go away, until we begin to take notice.

    For me, 'The verge' is where I discover more about myself and my connection to life. Whenever I feel myself on the verge of going back into depression, I know there is something to be learned here. The verge is a truly horrible fearful place to be yet I take the time to meditate on why I'm there. The verge can be a very enlightening place. It's where I try so hard to open my mind to what may be leading me to feel the onset of depression. An example: The last time I felt myself on the verge, I questioned why my marriage wasn't all I wished it was. Why, after trying so hard over and over again for years to make it work was it failing to be all that it could be? Why, when I'd put so much effort in was it depressing? I sat and opened my mind. Without thinking of the answer, the answer naturally came. 'You are putting all the effort in. He is sitting back effortlessly, reaping the benefits of all the hard work. You are also suppressing your true nature in order to conform to what pleases him'. It was then that I felt everything change. I went from feeling depressed to feeling incredible pride in myself for having worked so hard. Recognising the full extent of all the hard work redefined me in that moment. I was not worthless, I was amazing. While in the process of being amazing, my husband didn't recognise the value to be found in an evolving relationship. It was a depressing situation until I woke up to it.

    Could depression be demanding that you begin looking at your feelings more closely? What are feelings? Why do we have them? How do they interact with our mind and body? What does each individual feeling tell us? Why is it so important to not generalise when it comes to feeling what we're feeling? For example, why is 'anger' or 'happiness' used as a generalisation in some cases, when more specific feelings should perhaps be considered? What does 'information overload' feel like, compared with 'Freedom from thinking/mental processing'? What kind of feel does 'Lost' have to it? Would you recognise 'peace' if you felt it?

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    5 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    I feel like I have been on the verge for quite a few months now even though I have pretended everything has been going well and fine. Not sure if it is pressure I place on myself or exhaustion with life in general that is causing this as I feel no real urge to do anything at the moment a part from work during the week, my social life is a mass confusion at the moment and I know I should just experience things and enjoy my life and take the pressure of finding a commitment off myself so I can relax. I haven't really felt like what I believe to be myself but on the other hand I feel like maybe I am thinking less about decisions to do things that

  4. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    5 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    I feel like I have been on the verge for quite some months now without realising it and I have hit a point of exhaustion and confusion on how to move forward from this position I am I at in my life. I feel like it could be pressure I am placing on myself to to act how I think I need to act instead of thinking less about stuff and just living. I have been given advice that I need to just let go and experience things before I place pressure of committing to something/someone. This does not mean things like alcohol and drugs as I am not that way inclined but I guess for example with that recent girl I have dated she brought out a more liberal side to me where I didn't think too much as to what I was doing, granted sometimes I got caught up in the moment and this made me feel like a terrible person but I don't if that is a harsh thing to think of myself.

    I had my sisters wedding this week and I was quite anxious going into it as I don't have a partner there with me but I can say it was the first day in a very long time where I felt pure happiness for an extended period of time. I see both my sister and her husband as an example of what I want in life but the process of getting there has been topsy turvy for me and sometimes I have strayed from who I think I am. Being with my extended family I think made an impact because as I experienced the day it sort of reminds me of where I come from in terms of family, my values etc. I have felt ashamed that a more liberal side of me has come out the last few months but it's not liberal in a sense where I feel I have lost my morals, I think I am just confused as to how to get to the point where my sister was this week with someone and that confusion leads to pressure I heap on myself. Probably makes not sense to you and I apologise if it is confusing to read.

    I just feel pressure as well because I feel like I need to give myself a break but then for example I have a friend who wants me to pursue there friend and I am trying but I just don't feel it and I think it is largely more so to do with myself so I am confused as to what I should be doing and I can't really handle the pressure to be honest, sounds silly I know

  5. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    5 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I'm so happy for you, given your joyful experience at your sister's wedding. Feeling such happiness for someone is definitely a joyful experience. Experiencing your sister's joy, her husband's, your family's and everyone else's, including your own - that's a lot. Sounds like it was also a very grounding experience for you. Any experience that grounds us out of stressful thoughts is an experience that gives us not just joy but also relief.

    I find that 'verge' will always put pressure on me to let go of something. It'll push and push me to let go. What that something is can take a while to work out on some occasions. I can't escape the verge until I've found it. Looking back on my years in depression, I found depression to be the same; it would not let up until I let go of who I believed myself to be.

    I've found there are far less regrets when we have a basic moral compass. Everyone's moral compass will appear different. You can an incredibly strict moral compass to the point where it doesn't allow room for any flexibility or growth. On the other hand, you can have a vague moral compass, like seen in the criminal world. Very few criminals inside and outside of jail will tolerate the abuse of children or the elderly, which explains why such abusers aren't put into general population in jail. They wouldn't last long. Working out what our moral compass looks like can be a challenge. Is it to strict, too limiting? Is it too vague, not necessarily to the point of being criminal by the way? Are we working off our parent's moral compass at times, rather than our own? Could we afford to be a little more flexible or liberal? As though you don't have enough questions and here I am throwing more out there. As I may have mentioned, any significant quest (such as the quest to know our self better) will hold a lot of questions. I've found it's a matter of hitting on the right questions to help us make better sense of who we are and what direction to take.

    Perhaps the ultimate question becomes 'What is our compass and what's it actually comprised of? What are all of it's functions?'. Could be comprised of morals/personal guidelines. Could also be comprised of instinct or the ability to feel whether we're heading in the right direction at any given time. Could hold for us the ability to see inspiration (through the life we imagine) or hear inspiration (what brilliant ideas naturally come to mind, without thinking). There could be quite a number of elements to it.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    7 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    I think my sisters wedding upon reflection was the one day I have had in a really long time where I just enjoyed the day without getting consumed by thought. I think it was ground that I was able to be reminded of where I come from a family sense. The weeks leading up were very tough for me personally as I have been so confused, stressed and depressed in where I am at in my life so I guess it was just a day to forget about it for a second.

    The days after have been a mixture of reflecting very fondly on the day but also I still very much feel lost in what I am supposed to do with myself at the moment. I feel like I need a timeout and try and get myself back together but then there are things happening in the background such as dating someone and my friend wanting me to pursue a friend of his and I am trying my best on all fronts to give everything an honest go but a large part of me feels like whilst I know for certain I want a relationship in the long term I feel like at the moment I am always devoid of energy and uncertain of whether I actually want to go beyond just getting to know/talking to/seeing someone at the moment and I don't feel like I want the pressure of having to make a decision to commit or anything like that because I don't feel right in myself. Am I being a bad person because of this?

    I guess despite being on this self discovery journey for a while I haven't experienced anything like this type of confusion, uncertainty and self doubt about how I feel, what I should and shouldn't do and about whether I am being a bad person to others or not. I am struggling to sort of just live it out and let things unfold.

    Maybe if there's one mistake I have been making it's like for example trying to explain to a girl that whilst I like talking to them and seeing them I am not sure if I want a commitment in the near future because I don't particularly feel right within myself personally so if they want to pursue other things even if we still talk and stuff that is completely fine. I don't know if that is unclear the way I say it or my own self doubt makes it come out the wrong way but I'd like to thing that's the right thing to do by saying that to someone but I am beating myself up over it. My psych mentioned that they are adults and by saying that you have been honest and you're allowing them to decide for themselves so the pressure should not be on me although it feels that way. Not sure what you would think.

  7. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    7 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I think a significant part of life is about feeling our way through it. Mixed emotions can really throw a spanner into the works. When it comes to mixed emotions, you could see them as a sign of not fully feeling an attraction to another person or a situation. If you're 100% completely attracted to someone or something, nothing will interfere with that. You'll feel they're the right person or it's exactly the right situation for you. There'll be no doubt about it.

    Mixed emotions can come about for a variety of reasons such as

    • We might not have the energy to pursue something or someone
    • We're in 2 minds about things, unsure of which choice to commit to (a psychological battle of internal dialogue)
    • Something or someone goes against our nature
    • We're being challenged to bring out a new part of us that we're not used to or familiar with (a new interesting part of us)
    • We're feeling the need to tread carefully for one reason or another
    • We're facing a fearful time in life that we don't exactly know how to manage or we could be fearful about making the wrong choice
    • We're being challenged to develop skills in being more decisive
    • We hold too much self doubt in need to develop skills in trusting our self more

    Just a handful of the many reasons. There's always a reason for mixed emotions. The biggest challenge is to discover the reason. I think one of the good things about mixed emotions - they can show us how clear 100% certainty feels, in comparison. I imagine you've had moments in life, even if just a handful, where something just feels right, without a doubt.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    8 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    I think almost all of those dot points you have written below are feelings I’m experiencing at the moment in all honesty.

    Particularly I think the challenge of letting a new side of myself come out that hasn’t been there before and that makes me feel like I need to tread carefully as you say.

    Also, I feel very on edge and fearful at the moment because I am so stressed and confused about what I am supposed to do about things and how I can just relax and live, I want to adopt a mindset where I can just live without regret as cliche as it sounds so I can relax and whatever will be will be. If I make a mistake, I make a mistake but I feel so in fear of upsetting others that I don’t know how to act.

    Also, about a month or so ago I experienced a few pretty intense moments which I now know were panic attacks. I haven’t really mentioned it to anyone because I feel ashamed and embarrassed because on the outside I have no reason for feeling that way.

    I am fearful of it happening again because I don’t really know the root cause of why it happened, I was out with friends and I felt like I had a nervous tension constantly (which I have felt in everyday life for quite a few months now) and I went to the bathroom and I felt like my chest was going to explode and my breathing was very short it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The whole thing lasted about 10mins and I managed to regain composure before going back out but I have been incredibly on edge since.

    People can ask me what’s wrong or what caused it but I can’t actually say because as silly as it sounds I don’t know the specific trigger. I think the general trigger is I’m finding it hard to live my life without thinking too hard about every move I make.

    Classic example and sorry for always coming back to it but it’s only example I can explain but with dating. I doubt every move I make like if I date someone for 1/2 months I feel intense pressure that I need to not upset them and stay in it because of that and I can’t just see what happens because if I do that I’m being a bad person. Then if I don’t date someone that’s put in front of me because I feel like I want a timeout from everything I feel like I’m a bad person again or I’m wasting opportunities. My parents say I’m 25 going on 26 so still very young and just experience things no pressure but I’m feeling so much pressure with everything like I need to make big choices that im not ready to make but then I’m upsetting people and letting them down.

  9. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    8 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    Anxiety and panic can be so stressful and triggering in so many ways. The interaction between internal dialogue and feelings can become overwhelming. Cue our nervous system, along with other systems in the body, to go into states of stressful hyperactivity. Such physical hyperactivity throughout the body then tends to set the internal dialogue off even more. Before you know it, your mind and body are in a cycle that resembles the swirling hyperactivity of a tornado that feels completely out of control. The heart becomes hyper, the lungs, the firing networks in our brain and so much more. If the body could speak it would say 'I gotta vent this.  Crying, sighing (long breaths out) - whichever one works. The body's such an incredibly intelligent thing. At the extreme, it'll say 'We just gotta shut this down, it's way too out of control'. Systems have the opportunity to reset. Incredibly intelligent.

    My 2 biggest triggers: Internal dialogue and a vivid imagination. Combined, they can be powerfully fantastic or powerfully destructive, depending on what dialogue I'm processing and what I'm imagining along with that dialogue. This is one of the reasons people develop mantras. A mantra is a set and often repeated dialogue or thought pattern. Some folk's mantra for life is 'I can't cope. Things are going to go wrong'. Problem with this is it's a directive for the brain. Tells the brain what the plan is. Kinda like you're telling your brain 'I can't cope. Things are going to go wrong', to which the brain says 'Okay, if you say so. I'll focus on that for you'. On the other hand, if the mantra is 'I imagine I can manage feeling my way through this situation and I can calmly breathe my way through this situation', that's exactly what your brain will try and do, it will try and lead you through your imagination because that's the directive you've given it. The brain will process whatever you tell it, whatever info you feed it. Tough thing, to master the brain, to master your mind (aka the brain at work). One of the greatest skills on earth is the skill of mastering your own brain/mind.

    Convince your brain you're hopeless and it'll believe it. Tell it 'I'll never get anywhere' and it'll respond in a way where it'll guarantee it. Tell it to stop thinking and it will fight you on that one. Once you become its master you can lead it to stop thinking on command, believe it or not :)

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    9 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    I think what you say is extremely useful and valid and the funny thing is I know this when I think logically but despite all the effort I have been putting in I don't believe I have the tools to practice not thinking badly or anxiously, not yet anyway.

    What I find particularly relatable about what you said below is "tell it to stop thinking and it will fight you on that one". This has to be the classic example for me at the moment and I actually have no idea how to combat or fight it. I almost feel like this is going to plague me for my whole life and it's causing me to waste my younger years again with stress and anxiety.

    Like I mentioned every move I think about taking has been riddled with doubt, over-thought, stress and pressure The funny thing is there's people I know that date 3/4 people at the same time and don't think twice about it and I get destroyed by stress and anxiety when I might happen to be talking to two people at the same time because I feel like I'm a terrible and deceitful person.

    I feel pressure from my friends that I need to pursue this certain person and then I feel like I am wasting an opportunity if I don't pursue it but then I feel like I don't have the right mindset, energy and feeling about myself to put in a lot of effort. I know that sounds shocking because I understand that dating someone and making it grow requires effort from my side and I am not against putting in the effort because the right person will be worth it but at the moment I lack the desire to want to do that and put in heaps of effort and get little back until it's a month or two into it and then I'm exhausted.

    Sorry for going on a tangent I just don't know what to do at all at the moment, I know I what I want long term so I guess that's a good thing but what concerns me is that I am 26 in two weeks and despite knowing what I want long term I feel like short term I don't want that at all because it's making me go stupid with stress. Then it feels like I am running out of time as well and like I am a hypocrite.

    Does it sound like the pressure is self inflicted to you or is what I am saying natural at all?

  11. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    9 March 2022

    Hi guys

    I too feel awful

    and feeling lonely and worried about a mama

    shes the only thing i look to and don''t wanna be without

    loneliness sucks

    i want us to feel both happy together while knowing there are people out there for us.

    and stay together for long

     

    sadness i tells ya

  12. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    10 March 2022 in reply to DaisyDills202

    Hi DaisyDills202

    A warm welcome to you. The forums are full of people who know what it's like to feel worry, upset, loneliness, a mind altering life changing level of depression, stress, anxiety, a sense of feeling lost (on their way to finding a difference) and a whole variety of other feelings. They bring people here together who find some relief in being able to relate in different ways to the variety of challenges that can feel impossible to get through on our own.

    Have you thought about starting your own thread? Of course, feel free to do what feels right for you. If what felt right was to come here, glad you went with those feelings because they're the feelings that managed to introduce you to us. Glad to have you here, making a connection. Pays to trust our feelings and take a courageous leap :)

    I hope your mum's okay. Even when our key guide or one of our key guides in life is in good health, we still worry about what we'll do without them. They're such a powerful presence in our life.

  13. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    10 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I think it's natural to feel the pressure when we're experiencing time based factors. I suppose one of the best examples of this involves a woman's 'biological clock'. She'll definitely feel the pressure in her 30s. I believe nature has a way of moving things along, giving us certain feelings or urges, such as the urge to find a partner and/or have a child. I think sometimes it pays to ask the question 'Is what I'm feeling based on a natural (nature based) urge or am I feeling social pressure?'. Sometimes it can be a bit of both.

    There can be so many natural urges, such as with having a child or finding the experience of 'love' so as to see how it feels. There can be the urge to move out of home, to spread our wings. There can be the urge to leave the job we're in so as to discover the job we love.

    Would you say the urge to discover more about who you naturally are might be overriding the urge to begin dating someone? Both can be present but to different degrees. If this is the case, I'd say be careful when it comes to some of the things people can say. You might get people saying something like 'What's all this ridiculous talk about 'getting to know yourself'. Stop overthinking everything and just get on with life'. The need to better know our self is far from ridiculous. For some it is a compulsion that leads to true self mastery. Through such a process you could find yourself reconnecting with people you haven't seen in years. While they appear as the same somewhat unsatisfied dysfunctional person, you've traveled far through the process of coming to better understand yourself and your connection to life.

    Perhaps that question 'Is this the right person for me?', when it comes to beginning a relationship, comes down to 'Is this the right person for me, under the circumstances?'. Under the circumstances of coming to know yourself better/discovering new facets of yourself, can that person help you find what you're looking for? To the other extreme, under the circumstances of wanting nothing more than a 'sexual energy' based relationship, there are plenty of people out there who find their perfect match. Perhaps the person you're looking for is part philosopher/thinker/analyst and part feeler, with the desire to feel life while leading you to feel it too. To know exactly who you're looking for can be a challenge. Could you even be looking for someone who leads you to think less and feel more?

    1 person found this helpful
  14. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    You may be right that I could be looking for someone that will help me under the current circumstances I’m in and not lead me to stress more. I have thought about it and I think the urge to try and work out a way in which I can relax in myself is outweighing the desire to date anyone long term at the moment.

    i think the pressure I’m feeling as well is that I think I am a bad person in a few scenarios where I have been seeing someone but at the same time I don’t feel a long term relationship would suit me at the moment, I communicated this but I still felt massive guilt when seeing her. I don’t know if that’s just me not being able to relax in myself.

    I tend to be doubting and question every single decision I make at the moment, it’s a very exhausting way to live as I don’t feel comfortable in any situation because I don’t want to upset anyone or let anyone down.

    I guess I don’t even know exactly how I feel and that’s contributing to my anxiety of what I should do or be doing, just feel like I’m a mess and I’m all over the place and I’m disappointed in myself

  15. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I think we can get into the habit of not wanting others to feel the impact of 'deep upset' and when this is the case it kind of becomes a matter of 'Doesn't matter how I'm feeling life or this situation, as long as the other person doesn't feel any deeply confronting emotion. That's the main thing'. A deeply compassionate person will not want others experiencing emotional pain. It's in their nature. It kind of becomes about us taking responsibility for everyone's feelings. You can become kind of like protector of sorts. That's a tremendous amount of responsibility at times, protecting everyone around you. Can be exhausting. I've found it's so much easier dealing with unfeeling or insensitive people. Such people feel little, so you don't have to worry yourself so much.

    I think in the case of ending a relationship early on, perhaps the question comes down to 'Do I want them to feel long term pain or short term pain, out of the 2?'. Of course, being a sensitive guy, I imagine your answer would be short term pain, which means not dragging things out. If you prefer no pain at all, unfortunately we don't always have that choice. Instead, sometimes we're left to choose only out of painful choices. Such a choice is tough when you're a thoughtful sensitive person and you can easily get a sense of what that other person will be left to feel. Can be so hard, feeling for others.

    I wish there was far more talk about 'feelings' when we were growing up. They're so important, so significant. Little is ever spoken of them, typically. Feeling connections to people, disconnections, gut feeling/instinctive feeling, feeling 'overwhelm', feeling peace, feeling whether we're on the right track and so on, there's just so much to them. I think if we were better educated growing up, we wouldn't be left with so many questions about them, such as 'How do I calm myself down while feeling a nervous system in hyper drive?'.

    I think, in order to master feelings we have to begin seriously questioning them, which is exactly what you've been doing, which helps explain why it's all felt so incredibly serious. To basically question 'feelings' doesn't have such a serious feel to it. If you were to ask people who've experienced serious questioning, many of them would say 'It's such a confronting and sometimes horrible process, getting through the questioning stage'. Of course, it's the answers you find that help put you in the league of masters when in comes to emotional mastery :)

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to therising
    Hi therising


    I think you make an extremely good point about sort of neglecting yourself to ensure others don’t feel pain, I like I have been doing this a lot but it’s with good intentions.


    I think where I am struggling particularly in the area of dating is that in my head if my attitude is “see where this goes” and I take my time to decide while seeing someone if I think they are nice and we get along I feel like I am a bad person for continuing to see them if it takes me a few months to fully decide. I’m not intentionally dragging someone along I like to think I have never done that because I am not someone who makes promises they can’t keep.


    As someone who grew up at school in a group where I never felt a true part of it and like I was alone, it’s sort of enough for me to get along with someone on a surface level for me to persist and give it a chance…maybe this a bad way to be or approach it but it’s genuine even if it sounds bad.


    I agree that there should be a lot more education around how to manage feelings and emotions as I don’t think I have a grasp on this at all. In parts I do but what’s concerning me is that I seem to be getting worse in what should be the prime years of my life and that makes me disappointed in myself.


    How do I just let go of the doubting of my every move and just sort of live, if I make a mistake then I make a mistake. If I let someone down or upset them I’d like to think I’m not a bad person deep down because of it as I try not to go out of my way to do this.


    I just feel like I should have more of a clear picture of how to move forward at this stage of my life but I don’t at all
  17. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to therising

    hi therising

    thanks...hearing your words i feel alot better...

    right now i am having some aniexty from many things and can't control thoughts...

    sometimes speaking to people with similar experiences makes things alot while...

    thanks for your words therishing :)

  18. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to therising

    sometimes i crave for physical comfort

    you know what i mean?

    someone that doesnt tell me what to do or push others away from me and mum

    but yes do coming on here makes me feel better...

  19. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    12 March 2022 in reply to DaisyDills202

    Hi Daisy

    So glad you're feeling a difference. It can be such a relief to feel the difference we need. Even if the difference is slight, it's still a difference, kind of like a little stepping stone off of where we've been standing for so long.

    I feel my thoughts so differently these days, compared to the days where depression overwhelmed me and left me in an almost constant state of self doubt. In my days in depression, I thought all my feelings were my 'fault'. Back in those days someone could have said to me 'You know you may possibly face depression for the rest of your life. Some people are simply prone to depression' and that would have brought me down so much, leading me to think 'What's wrong with me? Why do I feel even more depressed. Why am I so 'broken'?' In fact this did happen on one occasion. These days, I'd be more inclined to say to someone who expressed that 'Dude, really?! Don't you know I can feel my thoughts. Given this fact, why the heck would you want to go putting that one in my head? Don't you realise I can feel what you've just said to me and it does not feel good, let me tell you'.

    I have the deepest respect for those who seek to better understand how they're feeling life or why they're feeling it the way they are. It is such hard work, figuring it all out. It really is incredibly hard work at times. I've found, it always pays to wonder. To wonder why we're feeling anger or a soulful sense of deep sadness, to wonder why we're feeling drops of inspiration here and there and even to wonder why we're not able to feel at all under certain circumstances is a lot to wonder about. I believe there are reasons behind every feeling. So, one of the worst things someone can say to someone who's trying to better understand their feelings/emotions is 'Stop being so sensitive'. You could flip the script on someone who says such a thing by asking them if avoiding or suppressing their feelings leads them to find answers.

    Myself and my kids are mega feelers/analysts. Quite often we'll work as a team, getting to the bottom of things. On the other hand, my husband's an avoider/suppresser. Rarely does he like to address his feelings, especially the challenging ones. I'm a bit of a stirrer I admit :) I already know his answer before asking him 'Why do you believe you feel this way?'. The answer is typically 'I don't know. Do we have to talk about this?'. Getting him to open up is like trying to open a can without a can opener. Virtually impossible :)

  20. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    12 March 2022 in reply to DaisyDills202

    Hi Daisy

    Thanks for reaching it out, firstly it takes courage and a willingness to discover/uncover that which makes you feel a certain to do so, so for that alone you should be commended.

    I hope you read through here and can find some comfort in the fact that you are most certainly not alone in whatever specific issues you are facing whether the specific nature of this thread is relevant or not at the very least it should serve as an example that you are not alone and it is natural.

    It also should highlight that reaching out is the best thing to do as there are many many people that are as kind and willing to help as therising has been for myself on this thread and many others I am sure.

    I can relate to the anxiety and not being able to control my thoughts, if you have read through this thread that it is probably quite evident that I am not very good at controlling my anxiety and thoughts but I think what the therising has told me a number of times, quite eloquently I might add also, and hopefully I have interpreted it correctly is that there is something to be said about wanting to uncover and discover more about how you feel and who you are. It sounds to me that the craving you feel is just a part of this process as I have very similar feelings.

    If I may offer some form of advice, feel free to ignore it as I am certainly no expert, but with regards to craving for physical comfort I certainly understand this feeling but just be wary of those who may look to exploit this which I am sure you are smart enough to know anyway as this could lead to what you may think is comfort through physicality but if you are able to find someone who can comfort you emotionally first (which I am sure you will) the benefit will be vastly greater I believe but that's just my two cents.

    I wish you all the very best!

  21. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    12 March 2022 in reply to therising

    LOL...that made me giggles

    thanks for your kind words :)

    i hope things will get a bit better and depending on siutations

    my head hurts -.- at the moment...

  22. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    12 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12
    Hi Daniel :)
  23. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    13 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    im confused about life and things and general

    not everything is the way it is or confusing for me...

    i would like to spend more time with guardian but we would like to do more things and stay safe.

    would like to play with other people through online gaming,,,

    but the thing is some of them are violent and hostile. or whatever it is on their mind.

    i dont mind some violence through online gaming but as long its not directly...

    i would like the play some online games with others who are similar to me who are senstive and valunable

    where would be the best place for online gaming for mental health people can play online games through either maybe video or just voice chat with others while playing online games??

    can any of you's can help me to social more with others properly while if its ok to play voice chat with them through online gaming?

    or is there any group here that plays social mental health online gaming? with voice chat?

    thanks Daniel

    Daisy

  24. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    14 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    Came across something today that you might be able to relate to. Felt the need to share

    “It seemed to [Jung] that the meaning of [neurotic] sufferings might consist in their compelling a man to come to terms with the foundations of his being and with the world, and thereby to gain a better knowledge of his limits and possibilities. . .Jung thus puts the emphasis on the prospective aspect, giving neurosis a positive meaning and not regarding it only as a burdensome illness. According to him, it can even act as a stimulus in the struggle for the development of the personality and be, paradoxically, a curative factor.” (Jolande Jacobi, The Way of Individuation)

    This comes from writings in relation to 'Self Actualization'. Giving a neurosis, such as a fear, the power to make us more conscious can lead us to explore our fears more deeply. Why do they exist? Where did they come from? Are they real or simply believed? What does it take to come to terms with them or move beyond them? As Jung indicates, our fears can act as stimulus for a more conscious life. There is not necessarily anything seriously wrong with them in certain cases, they are simply serving as a wake up call toward self development.

    We could fear making mistakes, for example, perhaps due to being labeled by those mistakes. Labels can lead others to decide for themselves who we are. If they decide wrong, we suffer through mislabeling. We can even be ostracised by certain members of our community. So, the conclusion, we may develop the mantra 'I will be careful not to make any mistakes for fear of being mislabeled'. I've found human beings just love their labels. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) is a good example of this. It's a manual that's grown massively over the years. There are 2 schools of thought in the case of the DSM-IV. One involves it being 100% reliable in how it identifies and labels specific mental disorders. The other involves a possible mislabeling of certain natural behaviours. Such behaviours can be seen as unnatural or 'faulty' when, in fact, they're not. While labels can be incredibly helpful at times, at other times they can interfere.

    It's natural to make mistakes, miss the mark. We aim again and hit the mark the next time around. Is it natural that some sufferance comes from us missing the mark? Yes. Our goal in life may simply involve us being conscious of improving our aim. You are striving to be a great marksman :)

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    14 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi therising

    Thanks for sharing that I really appreciate it, the last part particularly made me smile :)

    I think I can potentially label the way I feel in a more destructive way than I should and maybe I should think of it as a more natural process to be going through. When I mentioned the anxious and nervous energy I have be experiencing along with some panic attacks to my father he mentioned that another way to look at it is that anxiousness in life means that you’re actually living as cliche as it sounds.

    I definitely strive to do things with the right intentions but I think I am consumed with pressuring my every move to make sure I don’t upset others that I neglect myself. Also, I am terrified of making a mistake or making the wrong decision in regards to relationships and it also stems from family pressure as well and from friends.

    It feels like there is a clock on when I need to do certain things and I see people around me relatively settled in relationships and I am very far away from that I feel, sometimes I know what I want and others I have no idea.

    I guess I don’t have strategies to keep moving forward and enjoy life while I figure it out and enjoy the ride. I find it hard to do that, I genuinely don’t want to feel like everything’s a struggle because in reality it isn’t but it’s like I’m hardwired to believe it.

    i hope one day I can break the habits I have

  26. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    15 March 2022 in reply to Daniel12

    Hi Daniel

    I'm glad you felt the freedom in talking to your dad. He sounds like he can relate, based on his advice. He has a good way of putting it. It's true, life is interactive and we can feel that. It's far from an easy experience at times. A lot of feelings aren't all that easy to understand or manage until we begin to understand them better, even to the point of relying on them to be telling.

    I've found that coming to better understand feelings can be such an ongoing education because we're often coming across new ones. I've discovered 'feelings' are not simply something we physically feel, they can also be directives. For example, if we feel 'stress' or 'fear', the direction may be 'Find new and relatable ways to manage, reduce or eradicate the stress or fear'. The direction may even be 'It's time to leave that long term situation or environment before it leads to physical disease/harm'. If we're feeling that 'depressed' feeling, the direction may be 'Figure out who or what is depressing you and why', for a start. Feeling an 'empty' feeling may be a prompt to begin searching for fulfillment or at least to begin brainstorming ideas with others as to what fulfillment is and where we may find it. Either way, we're directed to no longer sit still, while we're feeling that mental/physical emotion known as 'a lack of fulfillment'. The incredibly challenging feelings are always directing us somewhere, anywhere other than where we are in our mind or environment.

    With the relationship side of things, perhaps a different way of seeing it is - while everyone around you appears to be settled, you could ask 'Are they too settled for their own good, in some cases?' or 'How well will they remain settled before major unsettling challenges come up in their relationships?'. Who knows, maybe while you're feeling the pressure to settle, you simply can't settle for 'Miss right now'. Perhaps some deeper part of you is looking for 'Miss right'. Perhaps she's someone who is a legend at relationship problem solving and a gentle motivator and encourager of self exploration. Figuratively speaking (not literally), are you wanting to get a feel for who feels right for you?

    Getting a feel for the right thought or choice, 'Will I or won't I'/'Should I or shouldn't I' is a thing too. With 2 thoughts, the choice is not always entirely clear - it may be a matter of one will feel obviously wrong whereas the other may feel not as wrong while it challenges us to explore it further.

  27. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    15 March 2022
    I have a headache...
  28. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2816 posts
    15 March 2022 in reply to DaisyDills202

    Hi Daisy

    That's no good. Can you sense what type of headache it is? Does it feel like a tension headache, with a bit of tension in your shoulders and neck happening? Perhaps it feels like a dehydration type headache. Is your skin feeling a little dry and you're bit thirsty. Maybe it's a bit of a pressure headache, as a result of some of the pressure in life you might be feeling. Maybe some of your thoughts could be causing some pressure/stress. Do you ever have sinus issues? Could things be feeling blocked throughout the whole of your head? Can be hard to pick at times. If you can pick it, you might be able to easily treat it, such as with a dehydration headache. For me, usually that type of one disappears within about 15 hours once I begin downing a few tall glasses of cool water.

    Hope you're feeling better soon :)

  29. DaisyDills202
    DaisyDills202 avatar
    11 posts
    16 March 2022 in reply to therising

    Hi Therishing

    Good to hear from you...

    yes im not sure what i went through

    i feel like im going up and down with my thoughts and emotions...
    not very comfortable

    im looking for a pet or room mate to get some sort of physical...

    not sure what the best option is?

    is there a way to find a roommate in this forum?

    thanks for your words therishing

    Daisy

  30. Daniel12
    Daniel12 avatar
    240 posts
    16 March 2022 in reply to DaisyDills202

    Hi Daisy

    Hope you are doing better,

    I would suggest speaking with a GP/councillor and potentially getting some professional help with regards to the up and down emotions as I often feel the same and whilst I have not gone as much as I should it is definitely a great option. They will give you strategies and tips on how to better handle your emotions and also work towards finding more comfort in life.

    A good option to meet people can be mixed/social sport (not sure if you are a sporting type), there is a program called JustPlay in which you sign up for whatever sport they have on offer and they allocate you to a team and you meet your teammates and enjoy some social sport once a week.

    If you might find that a bit daunting to start with and enjoy more gaming, there is definitely a huge gaming community through all over Australia and even some gaming lounges/centres you could frequent for 30mins-1hr a week and eventually you will make friends over time purely from visiting these places frequently.

    Maybe a worthwhile exercise for you to do in your spare time is research on Google some of your interests and any events/activities near you that relate to these interests which you could join or attend.

    Also to add to that research you could also either use these forums to connect to people with similar thoughts and feelings or also find ways of getting professional help should you feel you need it!

    All the best

    Daniel :)

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up