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Forums / Depression / Tired of Failing

Topic: Tired of Failing

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. JustFrank
    JustFrank  avatar
    4 posts
    10 October 2021

    G'day BB, I've just signed up to ask a few Qs and get some pointers.

    I think I might need to stop working for a while but this is something I can't support financially and even just saying it makes me feel like I'm just trying to be a lazy sod.

    I keep sinking into this abyss where I can't get off the couch and I'm either barely sleeping or sleeping all day. The longest this has lasted would be about 6 weeks. Sometimes it's only a few days but it has commonly been for a week or two.

    I've been aware that I'm dealing with depression and anxiety for the last 5 or 6 years and I'm a tough nut to crack because I'm not very good at talking about my situation, I'm not very self aware and I find it difficult to articulate my experience. Anyway, I have tried a few different meds, I've had heaps of counselling sessions and have tried my best to form healthy mindful habits. I know exactly why I'm down. So I guess I'm lucky like that but I don't really want to get better, I just want to get better at managing this new life.

    A family issue exploded into my life while I was studying chemistry. I was a High Distinction student with only 2 units left. I couldn't concentrate and failed on each of 5 attempts to finish my last 2 classes.

    So I got back to work, and I've had 6 very good jobs over the last 5 years. Concreting, metal fabrication, teaching assistant, tuberculosis research, pharmaceutical quality control and an operator in a rendering plant.

    But this abyss keeps calling and every time I lose a job I lose a new group of friends and a little more of my self esteem. Job hunting is difficult for everyone right now, I understand but it's a long hard process that really doesn't make one who has just lost 6 good jobs feel very good about one's self. And to be perfectly honest I am tired of failing.

    But I have no idea how to approach the topic of accessing centerlink without sounding like I'm trying to be a bludger. I don't even know how to get started. See a doc? Ask them to refer me to?? Can they just take my bloods and assess whether I'm depressed enough to take a break from working? I don't know what to do.

  2. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to JustFrank

    Hi, welcome

    I'm sorry we've taken so long to respond, sometimes one slips through the net.

    Ok, so some similarities like myself. I'm 65yo and retired at 57yo due to bipolar, depression etc a couple of psychotic episodes and I was done. I had 90 jobs and 15 professions most of those in my younger adult years along with impulsive behaviours like buying and selling cars on finance. I was a disaster.

    So, the first thing I noticed in your post was that you are insecure with work. I often advise people here to try to aim for 2 or even 3 part time jobs rather than one one. This is because you have a change of personnel and environment after a couple of hours. If you went part time in a job say 4 hours a day then operated a mowing round for 3 hours that might be ideal or similar.

    There was a time I had 3 jobs at once. A security guard, a cubby house builder in my garage and a lawn mowing round I started myself. The cubbies was seasonal up till xmas time, the lawn mowing also as winter too wet to mow and end of summer no grass and the security work was my main employment, flexible if I was a casual/part time. My problem was, I was full time shift work in security so I did myself no favours there.

    In terms of Centrelink a GP's report or letter saying you cannot work wont be enough to have them accept you cannot continue working. The process is more complex and while I sympathise with your situation the system doesnt help people like yourself. Why? because there is a lot of people taking advantage of the system so much so that they cannot determine if people are genuine or not. So my only suggestion with this topic is that you walk into Centrelink and ask to make an appointment to simply talk to somebody telling them of your struggles with the likelihood you'll not last long at your employment. They wont intimidate you.

    Finally, as for losing friends when you leave the workplace, after all my jobs I have only 2 friends that I remain in contact with. Workmates are not friends imo. Work for income not to make friends. Make friends out of working hours.

    We have a huge library here of topics if you use search at the top. Welcome again and I'm sure you'll have other topics you'll want to discuss. Just start a new thread.

    TonyWK

  3. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    jaz28 avatar
    204 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to JustFrank

    Hi there,

    I am sorry you are feeling this way. Stressful life events can worsen your depression.

    I would try and see your GP and maybe a psychologist to help you work through these feelings, so you can feel better in the long run.

    I would not worry about Centrelink, "dole bludger" is a common stigma. In reality, a lot of people are currently on Centrelink due to COVID, disability, or are genuinely between jobs. You have done your fair share of work and tax-paying, I wouldn't consider you a bludger! And yes, doctors note could help.

    Stay strong,

    Jaz.

  4. JustFrank
    JustFrank  avatar
    4 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to white knight

    Thanks Tony,

    I found your suggestion to diversify my work very helpful. After making this post I had been thinking about looking into the niece program because I have a small business idea and it wouldn't be an all day every day affair. It might be the best way to transition out of having one full time gig.

    In positive news, I made it back to work on Monday and the team were just amazingly supportive. It took a few hours but I noticed after half way through that I was feeling markedly better.

    Thank you for taking the time to reach out, I really appreciate it.

    JustFrank

  5. JustFrank
    JustFrank  avatar
    4 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to jaz28

    Hi Jaz,

    Thank you for reply. I have booked an appointment for counselling next week which is a start and I think I'll go from there.

    For now I've made it back to work and I'm feeling really good about that. I might have paid my fair share but I do really like paying my fair share and it feels good to be back at work. I'm lucky to have a very supportive team.

    I'm still not really sure how consistently I can be at work so I suppose that even though I feel OK right now I better start having the discussion with my doctor and psychologist so that if anything goes wrong again I'm more prepared.

    Thank you again, I super appreciate it.

    JustFrank

    1 person found this helpful
  6. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9215 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to JustFrank

    Hi

    Thanks for responding.

    The NEIS scheme might be ideal, in a suspicious world you have to think things through and lots of research.

    Many years ago I considered the scheme twice, once for my cubby manufacturing concept and once for a lawn mowing round.

    The scheme means they will pay you full unemployment benefits for 12 months without you looking for work. There is a lot of focus on business plans and ongoing support which also means ongoing homework.

    It might be for you however I'd like to mention 3 examples-

    I stopped the NEIS scheme on the cubby houses as they proved too seasonal. I could sell 14-18 at Xmas time but only sell 3-4 during the year.

    I stopped the NEIS scheme on the lawn mowing round (There was no one in my 1000 population town) because there was not enough clientele to justify full time work

    A man that addressed our initial class told us he went the NEIS scheme to import 2 Lincoln limousines from USA to be used as wedding cars. He didn't succeed as the conversion to right hand drive and Australia rules meant after 3 years he still didn't have a car on the road.

    So watch for the traps and if your concept is attractive perhaps try it part time after hours first.

    Whatever you choose be measured positive. If it doesn't work the try something else. Remain realistic.

    Please Google

    Beyondblue 30 minutes can change your life

    TonyWK

  7. jaz28
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    jaz28 avatar
    204 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to JustFrank

    All good

    Glad to hear it

    jaz

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