Hi Lillianj
It really really sucks to hear that. I don't know what to say that will make you feel better. I know that if we were friends I'd just sit next to you and stay silent and listen.
Im sorry to hear the people you know treated you in such a way. In my experience, most people don't know how to deal with depression. They get scared and try to change the subject or just run away.
But what's interesting is that for years, I said to myself that people are just selfish. Or people don't care. Or people just hate me. Etc... When I finally opened up to one friend who took me seriously, she said "Okay. What can I do?". Now I think I got super lucky, but still, all it takes is one good friend to hear you out.
AAnother thing I've learned is that feeling lonely, feeling like nobody cares is part of the disease itself. So even if the friends you have now don't care, it doesn't necessarily mean everybody doesn't. Clearly people who've suffered like you, the people on this forum, me... We genuinely care because we all know pain. And it's horrible. And we don't wish that upon anyone.
But it is very possible that it'll take a lot of effort and searching to find good friends. And particularly ones that want to help with mental illness; it's scary for them; they don't want to peak behind the big red curtain called sanity that hides the mad reality of our world...
AAnyway, the only comfort I can offer you is that me, a 33 years old guy, who's suffered with depression for at least 15 years, genuinely cares that you are in pain. Even though we've never met, I still feel sad and heartbroken for you. You're not alone Lillianj.
if this will help, but here's how I've learned to deal with times when I either had no friends who are willing to help me out (which has been most of the time) :
1. Most people, including psychologists, simply don't get depression. They either get scared and run away or they just don't know what to do.
2.