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Forums / Depression / Why do I change my entire personality so often?

Topic: Why do I change my entire personality so often?

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    24 posts
    1 October 2021
    No idea where to post this lol. I've never told anyone I do this but I've noticed that I've done this since I was very young. When I was younger it didn't occur as often but I feel like it's getting more frequent. One that I clearly remember was when I was around 10, I took dancing lessons and there was this girl who always caught my eye. I copied the way she acted and when she and her mum weren’t in the room, I'd go to her bag write down the labels of everything in her bag. I even started to crack my knuckles just because she did. I tried smiling the way she did and dancing the same way. When my dance teacher didn't give me the same opportunities or treated me the same I would get pissed off and wouldn't dance how they wanted me to. I even faked injuries to sit out and watch the girl. (I tried to make sure I wasn't being really creepy lol) After I watched her for a while, I would be so excited to go to school the next day and try everything the girl did with her friends to my school friends. I even tried hugging them more because that's what she did.

    Nowadays I still do this but the person I choose to mimic will be anyone, for example, someone in a tv show, or someone I see at school. I have lots of friends and get plenty of attention too, so I think I've come to realise that the reason I do this is probably because I see what those people get from other people and I want it too. I get so focused and kind of "obsessed" with the person I choose that it becomes very frustrating and I can't do anything without thinking about them. I find it very hard to get work done without getting the urge to spend hours researching everything I can find about them. I'll be feeling like my whole life revolves around acting like them then I'll wake up the next day bored and just choose someone else to mimic.

    I have a bunch of other things I do that I feel are kinda odd.Some of my friends also jokingly mention how I seem to hate them one day than love them the next, which I honestly feel is true. If they all suddenly disappeared, I really wouldn’t care.I'm aware that I sound like a shitty friend, but I honestly couldn't care less. Went to the doctors for something unrelated and she asked if I was depressed or anxious but I really dont think I am. My parents are also concerned because all I do is stay in my room.I enjoy it.Its not because Im sad or anxious around people, its just that I find them very boring and it's exhausting around them. Do you think this is this normal?
    1 person found this helpful
  2. tranzcrybe
    Valued Contributor
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    tranzcrybe avatar
    617 posts
    1 October 2021 in reply to user9463728
    I guess we all do this on some level - a new hairstyle, wardrobe, social circle, furnishings, house renovations, or even a favourite cause or charity! It freshens things up and helps to leave behind remnants of associated dissatisfaction with what seemed so appealing in the first place!
    But like all 'dressings' we can overlay (bury!) ourselves with, the cake beneath the icing is the most valuable component. Becoming bored with people may have something to do with them only seeing the surface that you choose to project (and perhaps only what you are identifying in others?).
    I think it's helpful to have an 'image', but only as a means to invite others to discover the inner joy of learning about your own true nature, ideals, and struggles; equally for you to look through the veneer of those to see qualities beyond re-enactment - what draws you to them may be far more subliminal than what they do.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Isabella_
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    Isabella_ avatar
    119 posts
    1 October 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing and opening up with us. I do agree with tranzcrybe in the sense that the behaviour you describe is common to some degree..

    I have a few questions that I’m wondering about... does some part of you believe that there’s a ‘real you’? What do you think of that person? What do you think would happen if you let them out, or are you not sure whether they exist? Do you feel that when you confide in someone, it’s coming from a genuine place? Do you feel that perhaps you are bored of people/wouldn’t care if they were no longer in your life because you don’t have a close connection with them?

    Of course you don’t have to answer these, but maybe they’re worth thinking about. At the end of the day, I think you can only determine whether it’s normal or not. Personally, I think if you’re doing it on an obsessive level, and you feel it’s impacting your quality of life and ability to make relationships, then maybe it would be worth seeing a psychologist about it. Even if you don’t feel anxious or depressed, I don’t think it would do any harm to talk to a professional. Perhaps they can help you understand why you might do this and help you to learn more about it.

    I hope you’re taking care. I’d love to hear from you :)

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    386 posts
    2 October 2021 in reply to user9463728

    The term is chameleon....people that adjust their personality and body movement traits to match those they're in company.

    Usually occurs in people who lack a sense of self.

    This happens in certain home environments, such as an over protective mother, over controlling parent....they don't mean to cause harm...but controlling children, taking away their decision making, solving problems for you etc all create someone that doesn't have a sense of self.

    They don't know their true self so tend to mimic those around them. It's a handy tool in terms of fitting in.....but is also sad for the individual.

    Thats just one is your friend

    1 person found this helpful
  5. A-X-K
    A-X-K avatar
    2 posts
    4 October 2021 in reply to user9463728

    Hey there, I understand your concern I’ve felt like this for a long time too. For ages I wondered if there was something wrong with me or not. But after a lot of thinking and talking to friends I think I understand it a little better now, of course I’m no professional but I’ve narrowed it down to this concept.

    we as humans are a very social species, we feel the need to connect with others and sometimes some of us feel like we don’t connect in the right way or that there is no way for us to connect. We can feel like there is no way to be seen of feel part of the group so we resort to picking up on mannerisms of others around us to help us better fit in with the herd.

    Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to fit in it’s a great idea to have a support system that you trust and love. The problem like you have identified is when you feel like you don’t have your own personality.

    i personally when I feel like this have begun to do small meditation moments with myself. I make sure I’m focused and sitting down somewhere and I try to think of at least three things that I love. For example, I love gardens, I love long coats, I love the colour green.
    I focus on the things that I love and how they are parts of what make me me because I love them.

    you could even go a step further and say things you do and how they show your personality too. (After all actions are louder than words) . For example, you took the time to reach out to people on here because you care about being the best version of yourself and are willing to seek help to achieve that version of yourself. That shows that you are open minded and willing to work with and listen to others. (A very great quality to have too I gotta say👍)

    I hope at least some of this helped you a little. you’ve got this, just remember that you are not alone and that you coming here is the start of you getting to the best version of yourself. Take care xx

    1 person found this helpful
  6. user9463728
    user9463728 avatar
    24 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to A-X-K
    I don't actually think that I am doing this to fit in. I might sound a bit stuck up, but even when I give up trying to act like a specific person, people still like me. People still ask me out and talk to me just as much. You also mentioned that you think I am willing to seek help to achieve the best version of myself. Thing is, I actually prefer to be the worse version of myself. I feel like it's when I'm the most in touch with myself and I enjoy it. I never feel 'sad' more just kind of disconnected from everyone else. It's so so so much fun because it makes me feel like I am my own person. lol anywho... thanks for replying though.
    1 person found this helpful

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