I had an extremely good friend that died in 2019.
I was determined to be her "rock" no matter what... and I am relieved to say that although not perfect I did a pretty good job right up to the end. It took strength and understanding of what she was going through. I was resolved to "be myself" and to not try and sugar coat things or be some fake version of myself by telling her "what I thought she wanted to hear" or make it all about me.
My main goal was just to listen to her, whenever she needed someone to and to make sure that there was nothing left unsaid between us... and to make sure I did that as early as possible as opposed to leaving it to the last minute (like most of her other friends and family did... and then got upset that she didn't have enough time to hear "their speech" at the end).
Anyway, with her I learned some terrible things about people and how they deal with death. People generally are just TERRIBLE at it. So many people she thought of in the highest regard let her down badly and revealed selfish and ugly parts of themselves that she had never seen before she was dying.
... so many people she respected and loved broke her heart. Family, friends, colleagues. The list of people that let her down far exceeded the ones that didn't unfortunately. And there was nothing I could do about that, except ensure that I was not one of them... in which I was determined. Because she was my friend and I loved her. And she deserved it.
So many people made her death about them and not her. Dying is hard enough as it is, without people dumping all of their own personal crap on them as well. To some degree I understand, but on another level I still don't. It's like accepting someone else's mortality means that they have to accept their own... so because they don't want to, they behave foolishly and selfishly in response.
Look, these "final moments" whether they be days, months or years are more important than any moments that came before them. Don't define them by their illness or even their death as if it is some dominant aspect of them as a person. Because it isn't. What is happening to them is not WHO they are. So focusing everything on that is foolish and a waste of both yours and their time. And a waste of these most precious moments that you have left with them.
They are so much more than just dying. But you already know that. You need to focus on those parts of them and the things that make them special. This is all that is important now.