Thank you Croix, things are quite difficult at the moment and I think the added grief is what's making me feel so awful at present.
You're right about both those things, it is horrible and affecting all aspects of my life. My psych and I actually discussed this in todays session. Getting another job isn't really an option just now so my psych is helping me to deal with the toxic environment.
Yes the mind and emotions really do go their own way and sometimes it's hard to keep up with/process the thoughts and feelings.
That makes sense, I lost my dear Nan last year and all I could do was let the grief happen, it was so overwhelming I was absolutely devastated for a long time, I still miss her terribly of course but It's also added to the grief I'm feeling now, bringing back some of those feelings.
Also my friends death is the third one I've experienced in the last two months, sometimes I feel like I keep getting knocked down.
No I'm not on any meds, my gp will only prescribe psych meds as a last resort and I respect that as I'm not sure I want to be on meds. I have been on them in the past and they didn't help. My doctor at the time wasn't interested in trying a different medication or different dose so I tapered off them.
There is and I've had a talk with them today, I still feel pretty bad but I do feel a little better after sharing how I feel.
Thanks I will, I'm trying to keep up a self care routine and take it easy on myself while I sort out my feelings.