Welcome to the forums Missmoo2305, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage to do so.
We are so sorry to hear how painful this year has been for you. We can hear how difficult all of this must be to deal with, but please know that you've come to a safe space and our wonderful community is here to offer as much support and advice as you need.
It sounds like you're in a really tough space and we think it might really help to talk it out. We'd recommend getting in touch with our friends at Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.
If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. This website is regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. You can also call our dedicated support line, staffed by mental health professionals, which is available 24/7 on 1800 512 348.
We hope that you can find some comfort in the words of kindness and support that our community can offer. Please feel free to keep us updated here on how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.